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Do you agree or disagree with this"People in the today’s world have become too dependent on automobiles. " v.2

with this"People in the today’s world have become too dependent on automobiles. " v. 2
In today’s modern life, thanks to the technological breakthroughs in every section of science, the way of our life has altered dramatically. some people are of the opinion that the technology affects consumerism, hence more dependent on them, while others believe that people just adopted with technology and it does not mean dependency. I personally subscribe to the view that we do not dependent on automobiles as a sample of advanced technology for two main reasons. In the following paragraphs my reasons will be elaborated on in more detail. To begin with, I could not deny the fact that in today’s world, transportations has modified, contributing to overpopulation. generally speaking, one of the most salient factors of today’s life is increasing the usage of automobiles. However, using more cars do not indicate dependency to them. it means that societies are raised by their demands and enormous cars in streets do not depart from those needs. As a case in point, in populated cities these days, just as automobiles are fulfill roads, so are public transportation crowded too. Tokyo for instance, has such an unbelievable traffic over 24 hours per a day; on the other hand, their subway is always crowded too. Therefore, the more population live the more automobiles exist; hence, dependency is not a reason for car’s consumerism. Secondly, in the past time, wealthy people utilized horse or wagons instead of cars. In fact, with the advent of cars to the world, it took place of other vehicles; nevertheless, generals could not afford for fancy appliances such as automobiles. Nowadays, as the same as the past, wealthy people have their vehicles. As a matter of fact, in my opinion, it does not change anything than the past. On the other point of view, leading to pollution and global warming, residents tend to use fewer cars to have healthy weather for their future generations. For example, recently I have read an article about Sidney, in which is controlled emission of dangers gas pollution such as carbon dioxide, green houses gas, and toxic fumes by declining of automobile consumption. Drawing upon the reasons what I mentioned above, although there are always some exceptions excluded from general rules, I believe that not only people do not rely on their cars these days, but also variety of societies attempt to reduce air pollution by decreasing usage of automobiles, although overpopulation put every efforts in different perspective, which needs meticulous attention.
In
today
’s modern life, thanks to the technological breakthroughs in every section of science, the way of our life has altered
dramatically
.
some
people
are of the opinion that the technology affects consumerism,
hence
more dependent on them, while others believe that
people
just
adopted with technology and it does not mean dependency. I
personally
subscribe to the view that we do not dependent on
automobiles
as a sample of advanced technology for two main
reasons
. In the following paragraphs my
reasons
will
be elaborated
on in more detail.

To
begin
with, I could not deny the fact that in
today
’s world, transportations has modified, contributing to overpopulation.
generally
speaking, one of the most salient factors of
today
’s life is increasing the usage of
automobiles
.
However
, using more
cars
do not indicate dependency to them.
it
means that societies
are raised
by their demands and enormous
cars
in streets do not depart from those needs. As a case in point, in populated cities these days,
just
as
automobiles
are fulfill roads,
so
are public transportation crowded too. Tokyo
for instance
, has such
an unbelievable traffic
over 24 hours per a day; on the
other
hand, their subway is always crowded too.
Therefore
, the more population
live
the more
automobiles
exist;
hence
, dependency is not a
reason
for
car’s
consumerism.

Secondly
, in the
past time
, wealthy
people
utilized horse or wagons
instead
of
cars
. In fact, with the advent of
cars
to the world, it took place of
other
vehicles;
nevertheless
, generals could not afford for fancy appliances such as
automobiles
. Nowadays, as the same as the past, wealthy
people
have their vehicles. As a matter of fact, in my opinion, it does not
change
anything than the past. On the
other
point of view, leading to pollution and global warming, residents tend to
use
fewer
cars
to have healthy weather for their future generations.
For example
, recently I have read an article about Sidney, in which
is controlled
emission of
dangers
gas pollution such as carbon dioxide, green
houses
gas, and toxic fumes by declining of
automobile
consumption.

Drawing upon the
reasons
what I mentioned above, although there are always
some
exceptions excluded from general
rules
, I believe that not
only
people
do not rely on their
cars
these days,
but
also
variety of societies attempt to
reduce
air pollution by decreasing usage of
automobiles
, although overpopulation put every
efforts
in
different
perspective, which needs meticulous attention.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay with this"People in the today’s world have become too dependent on automobiles. " v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
407 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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