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A full time university student needs to spend time on studying but it is essential to get involved in other activities To what extent to you agree or disagree v.2

A full time university student needs to spend time on studying but it is essential to get involved in other activities 2
It is appropriate to say that a full-time student should focus on both in-school education and extracurricular activities. While time spent on studying may improve their academic aspects, time invested in out-of-the-classroom events is beneficial for students to socially mature on individual and professional levels in ways which I shall analyze in this essay. Firstly, participation in social events helps one to develop their emotional quotient. During event organising, students are offered opportunities to work in teams, communicate and negotiate with each other, which enables them to develop self-confidence, autonomy, and sympathy for others. Additionally, through such extracurricular activities as doing charity and volunteering, they would know how to put themselves in others’ shoes which allows them to develop emotions for other unlucky people and know how to appreciate what they currently have. Secondly, valuable experience is obtained when one is taking part in an outside activity. For instance, students can relate and combine academic knowledge with practical situations they encounter during organising processes. Such precious experience would be useful for students to center their interests orient their career path and help them have a broader and clearer view of what their future occupation would be like. Additionally, by joining or leading an extracurricular event, many social skills like leadership, teamwork, negotiating skill are well-developed. Therefore, graduated students who mastered these skills have higher chances in first job attainment because these are what employers seek for in a potential candidate. In conclusion, it is imperative for full-time university students to focus on both study and extracurricular activities. Joining these events offers well-rounded students chances to mature socially on individual and professional aspects.
It is appropriate to say that a full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
should focus on both in-school education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. While time spent on studying may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their academic aspects, time invested in out-of-the-classroom
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
socially
mature on individual and professional levels in ways which I shall analyze in this essay.

Firstly
, participation in social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
one to develop their emotional quotient. During
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are offered
opportunities to work in teams, communicate and negotiate with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
, which enables them to develop self-confidence, autonomy, and sympathy for others.
Additionally
, through such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as doing charity and volunteering, they would know how to put themselves in others’ shoes which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to develop emotions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
unlucky
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and know how to appreciate what they
currently
have.

Secondly
, valuable experience
is obtained
when one is taking part in an outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can relate and combine academic knowledge with practical situations they encounter during
Possible spelling mistake. 'organising' is British English.
organising
processes. Such precious experience would be useful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to center their interests orient their career path and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them have a broader and clearer view of what their future occupation would be like.
Additionally
, by joining or leading an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
like leadership, teamwork, negotiating
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
are well-developed.
Therefore
, graduated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who mastered these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
have higher chances in
first
job attainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are what employers seek for in a potential candidate.

In conclusion
, it is imperative for full-time university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to focus on both study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
. Joining these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
offers well-rounded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
chances to mature
socially
on individual and professional aspects.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay A full time university student needs to spend time on studying but it is essential to get involved in other activities 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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