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Nowadays families move to different countries for work. Some people think it has a negative effect on children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.9

Nowadays families move to different countries for work. Some people think it has a negative effect on children, while others disagree. v. 9
These days, it can be observed that many families across the globe are shifting to abroad for the purpose of work. According to some this phenomenon has a bad impact on the children while others hold the opposite view. In my opinion, I think that migration to other countries would be beneficial for the growing generation in many ways. On the one hand, some people believe that bringing children to other countries would have some deleterious effect as it might hinder the natural way of upbringing them. To illustrate, in order to grow up properly, they need a known environment where abundant of love, affection and proper take care is available that they can get not only by their parents but also by other members of the family. As they would be far away from them, they could be deprived of those essential materials which are crucial for their mental growth. Furthermore, it might be unpleasant for the little children to adjust to a new environment where they find themselves as nobody. Consequently, the children might become introverted. On the other hand, according to others, children of a migrated family can be benefited in many ways and I agree. In other words, from the beginning of the life, the children would confront challenges in several ways such as making new friends and adjusting to other cultures. By overcoming these problems, they might have gained confidence and Independence which certainly help them in future when they enter in their adulthood. Moreover, the children who stayed abroad with their parents get the chance to learn more than one language that obviously a beneficial career aspect in this competitive era. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I think that living abroad with parents would bring many advantages to the children.
These days, it can
be observed
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families across the globe are shifting to abroad for the purpose of work. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
this phenomenon has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
while others hold the opposite view. In my opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that migration to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries would be beneficial for the growing generation in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that bringing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
countries would have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
deleterious effect as it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
hinder the natural way of upbringing them. To illustrate, in order to grow up
properly
, they need a known environment where abundant of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, affection and proper take care is available that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by their parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
members of the family. As they would be far away from them, they could
be deprived
of those essential materials which are crucial for their mental growth.
Furthermore
, it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be unpleasant for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to adjust to a new environment where they find themselves as nobody.
Consequently
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
become introverted.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, according to others,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of a migrated family can
be benefited
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, from the beginning of the life, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would confront challenges in several ways such as making new friends and adjusting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
cultures. By overcoming these problems, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
have gained confidence and Independence which
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in future when they enter in their adulthood.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who stayed abroad with their parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to learn more than one language that
obviously
a beneficial career aspect in this competitive era.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that living abroad with parents would bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays families move to different countries for work. Some people think it has a negative effect on children, while others disagree. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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