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Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. v. 4
Immigration is becoming quite popular. Several families have moved from their home countries to settle in foreign lands. While many think this move may be difficult for the children, others believe it will be of great benefit to them. Although I will be discussing both views in this essay, I believe that the young ones will gain from this experience by meeting new people with different cultures and beliefs. A major reason why migration may be a hard journey for children is that they do not adjust to new environments as fast as adults because they leave their old friends and some family members behind. So, they emotionally detach themselves from their new community thinking that if they were happy there, they will be betraying their old friends. This thought lead to them isolating themselves from others. I remember when I had to move to the UK with my parents. My father was to attend a course there that lasted for one year. I can remember being quite uncomfortable because everyone was strange according to my opinion and found it difficult to loosen up. On the other hand, Despite the initial awkwardness of meeting new people, If you get to know them, it can be quite enlightening. There are many times I was reluctant to make new friends but they turned out to become amazing individuals. A good example was my roommate in university, Praia, who is from India and Hindu. I was sceptical about being friends with her because I thought she was so different from me. But further down the line, we became great friends. I ended up learning a lot about Indian culture and Hinduism as a religion from her. If I had not given her a chance, I would have lost out on information and friendship. In conclusion, even though settling in a new place can be stressful, it is also beneficial to learn new cultures and beliefs.
Immigration is becoming quite popular. Several families have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
from their home countries to settle in foreign lands. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
may be difficult for the children, others believe it will be of great benefit to them. Although I will be discussing both views in this essay, I believe that the young ones will gain from this experience by meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and beliefs.

A major reason why migration may be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
journey for children is that they do not adjust to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
environments as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
as adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
family members behind.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
emotionally
detach themselves from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
community thinking that if they were happy there, they will be betraying their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
lead to them isolating themselves from others. I remember when I had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the UK with my parents. My father was to attend a course there that lasted for one year. I can remember being quite uncomfortable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
everyone was strange according to my opinion and found it difficult to loosen up.

On the other hand
, Despite the initial awkwardness of meeting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, If you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to know them, it can be quite enlightening. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times I was reluctant to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they turned out to become amazing individuals. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example was my roommate in university, Praia, who is from India and Hindu. I was
Possible spelling mistake. 'sceptical' is British English.
sceptical
about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with her
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
she was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
from me.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
further
down the line, we became great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. I ended up learning a lot about Indian culture and Hinduism as a religion from her. If I had not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
her a chance, I would have lost out on information and friendship.

In conclusion
,
even though
settling in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place can be stressful, it is
also
beneficial to learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cultures and beliefs.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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