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Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. v. 1
Recent advancements, in technology and transportation in particular, are reshaping our world in an unprecedented manner. Nowadays, it is not unusual for people to work abroad. Most expatriates relocate their families to the countries they work in. Some people argue that this phenomenon negatively affects children, however, I agree with those who believe the opposite is true. Those who think that relocating children to a new place is undesirable do so for many reasons. Their most common argument is the negative impact of moving on a child’s personality. There is no doubt that living in a different community comes with its challenges, especially to young people, as they get exposed to behaviours, actions and customs they might not be familiar with. As a result, children could possibly feel a lack of stability and some confusion. It is also likely that their patriotic feelings and sense of belonging to their home country could weaken as they would miss many opportunities to celebrate their national events. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that opinion being ludicrous, as it seems that getting exposed to a new culture is beneficial in many ways. It fosters young people social and emotional capabilities. Moreover, children living abroad have better opportunities to learn and practice new languages. Mastering more than one language improves not only their intellectual development, but also their opportunities in acquiring better jobs in the future. According to a recent study published by the University of Chicago, competency in more than one language increases employment chances on average by 200%. In conclusion, I strongly believe that living in a different country positively affects children in all aspects. Acquiring new languages, and an open minded and tolerant personality are just few examples of the many possible benefits
Recent advancements, in technology and transportation
in particular
, are reshaping our world
Consider replacing "in an unprecedented manner" with the adverb for "unprecedented"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unprecedented manner
. Nowadays, it is not unusual for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to work abroad. Most expatriates relocate their families to the countries they work in.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that this phenomenon
negatively
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those who believe the opposite is true.

Those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that relocating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place is undesirable do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons. Their most common argument is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of moving on a child’s personality. There is no doubt that living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
community
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its challenges,
especially
to young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
exposed to
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, actions and customs they might not be familiar with.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could
possibly
feel a lack of stability and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
confusion. It is
also
likely that their patriotic feelings and sense of belonging to their home country could weaken as they would miss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
opportunities to celebrate their national
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.

Nevertheless
, I
firmly
believe that opinion being ludicrous, as it seems that getting exposed to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
culture is beneficial in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways. It fosters young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
social and emotional capabilities.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
living abroad have better opportunities to learn and practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
. Mastering more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improves
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
their intellectual development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
their opportunities in acquiring better jobs in the future. According to a recent study published by the University of Chicago, competency in more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
increases employment chances on average by 200%.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
country
positively
affects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in all aspects. Acquiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
, and an
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
and tolerant personality are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
few examples of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
benefits
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Many families move to different countries. Some people think children can benefit from this, while others consider it is hard for children if families move to a foreign country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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