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Nowadays some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works by using the computer Do you agree or disagree v.2

Nowadays some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works by using the computer v. 2
In the age of information technology, many people believe that Internet can replace the needed of museums and art exhibitions since all historical objects and works are available on websites. I strongly disagree with this point of view for some reasons. On the one hand, there are two main reasons that convince people to choose the Internet as the source of historical objects and works information. Firstly, the Internet provides audiences with an enormous amount of free historical information which is easily accessible in the most convenient way. Actually, by a finger click, people can access various kinds of information about an artwork from the author to materials. Secondly, online museums and exhibitions offer customers remarkable services that cannot be found at the real ones. For example, there are no opening time limit as well as unrestricted information data which cannot be served by real museums and art galleries due to the lack of capacities. On the other hand, real museums and exhibitions are crucial and play as an indispensable part of the society. It is undoubted that firsthand experience is more interested than imagined experience. In other words, online-based information can never express adequate values of historic objects, but human experience of observing personally. Additionally, since museums and galleries are managed by a group of experts who have deep knowledge about the historical objects, the provided information is verified and more reliable. Furthermore, museums and art exhibitions place an important role in attracting foreigner visitors who are keen on understanding country’s cultural and traditional values and consequently contribute a significant proportion of government revenue. To sum up, even though the online-based information is a great way to learn about historical works and objects, museums and exhibitions are still important for real experience and irreplaceable.
In the age of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
technology,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that Internet can replace
The phrase 'the needed of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the needed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art exhibitions since all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
and works are available on websites. I
strongly
disagree with this point of view for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

On the one hand, there are two main reasons that convince
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to choose the Internet as the source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
and works
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
Firstly
, the Internet provides audiences with an enormous amount of free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
which is
easily
accessible in the most convenient way. Actually, by a finger click,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can access various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about an artwork from the author to materials.
Secondly
, online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and exhibitions offer customers remarkable services that cannot
be found
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
ones.
For example
, there are no opening time
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "limits"?
limit
as well
as unrestricted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
data which cannot
be served
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art galleries due to the lack of capacities.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and exhibitions are crucial and play as an indispensable part of the society. It
is undoubted
that firsthand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
is more interested than imagined
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
.
In other words
, online-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can never express adequate values of historic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
of observing
personally
.
Additionally
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and galleries
are managed
by a group of experts who have deep knowledge about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
, the provided
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is verified
and more reliable.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and art exhibitions place an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in attracting foreigner visitors who are keen on understanding country’s cultural and traditional values and
consequently
contribute a significant proportion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
revenue.

To sum up,
even though
the online-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
is a great way to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
historical
works and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
objects
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
and exhibitions are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
experience
and irreplaceable.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays some people claim that public museums and art galleries will not be needed because people can see historical objects and works by using the computer v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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