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Nowadays families move to different countries for work. Some people think it has a negative effect on children, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Nowadays families move to different countries for work. Some people think it has a negative effect on children, while others disagree. v. 3
Researchers say that our personality & accomplishment are heavily influenced by our characteristics rather than whatever we experienced in our lifetime. In my opinion, experience plays a vital role to build up our own identity than the others. Our life consists of so many things which play a vital role in changing the passage of our daily routine. Instinct is obviously one of them. Since our birth, it has controlled us a lot. One clear example is the behaviour of us during our childhood. We all have behaved in a different way when we were at a very early age. Day by day the situation changed & we got more matured than we were in our infancy, but whatever we had in our babyhood hardly affected us in different phases of our life. On the other hand, within time, we have gained lots of knowledge which has a major impact on us. There are always ups & downs in our life. Variation of conditions has taught us a lot of lessons which helped us to improve ourself. Moreover, it is considered in the modern world that the person who is more experienced can bring much more development in his personal life. For example, whenever we experience something either in our office or at home from other people, that helps us to know new things. Due to that, we make ourselves prepared for further challenges. If we want to prosper more, experiencing new things in this way plays the most crucial part here. That's why it assists a lot to the progress as well as the identity of one. To conclude, it can easily be said that there are obviously some worth mentioning effects of characteristics on our personality & advancement. But alongside that, experience plays a much more valuable role to make us true person & assists us to go further to achieve success.
Researchers say that our personality & accomplishment are
heavily
influenced by our characteristics
rather
than whatever we experienced in our lifetime. In my opinion, experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a vital role to build up our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
identity than the others.

Our life consists of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
a vital role in changing the passage of our daily routine. Instinct is
obviously
one of them. Since our birth, it has controlled us a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
. One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example is the
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
of us during our childhood. We all have behaved in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
way when we were at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age. Day by day the situation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
& we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
more matured than we were in our infancy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
whatever we had in our babyhood hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
phases of our life.

On the other hand
, within time, we have gained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of knowledge which has a major impact on us. There are always ups & downs in our life. Variation of conditions has taught us a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of lessons which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
ourself
.
Moreover
, it
is considered
in the modern world that the person who is more experienced can bring much more development in his personal life.
For example
, whenever we experience something either in our office or at home from other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to know new things. Due to that, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ourselves prepared for
further
challenges. If we want to prosper more, experiencing new things in this way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
the most crucial part here. That's why it assists a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
to the progress
as well
as the identity of one.

To conclude
, it can
easily
be said
that there are
obviously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
worth mentioning effects of characteristics on our personality & advancement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
alongside that, experience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plays
a much more valuable role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us true person & assists us to go
further
to achieve success.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Nowadays families move to different countries for work. Some people think it has a negative effect on children, while others disagree. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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