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Nowadays everywhere in the world has multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic people. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v.1

Nowadays everywhere in the world has multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic people. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1
Most countries are majorly made up of different groups of people whose cultural believe are at variance with each other. The crux of this paper is to look at the merits and demerits of a multicultural community. A society made up of units of Persons each with different cultural believe will bring about rich cultural heritage. An illustration of such country is Nigeria, where there are more than 204 ethnic groups. Such country could become a centre for tourism; attracting people from different countries and as such generating greater revenue for its government. Furthermore, it will bring about the exchange of goods and services, harnessing the skills and resources dominant in each region. An example of this is Nigeria, where each specializes in a particular thing. A huge part of the nation's food comes from the northern part of the country. Nevertheless, there are also disadvantages associated with societies in which we have different groups, one of such is disunity. Because there differ in culture and language. There seems to be jealousy, envy and greed among them. They compete with each other for high positions in government which could lead to killing of each other. Also, it could lead to dwindling of its natural resources as a result of the struggle for power. They destroy and burn down infrastructures. An example is Nigeria, where the majority of the its resources has been destroyed due to ethnic war. In summary, a society that is a combination of multicultural groups will always be faced with merits and demerits associated with it. Globally, a lot of states are made up of individuals from different places. Therefore, it is recommended that, government should map out strategies that will enhance peaceful cohabitation within its territory.
Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
majorly
made up of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
whose cultural
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
are at variance with each other. The crux of this paper is to look at the merits and demerits of a multicultural community.

A society made up of units of

Persons each with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
cultural
Did you mean "belief" (noun) instead of believe (verb)?
believe
will bring about rich cultural heritage. An illustration of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
is Nigeria, where there are more than 204 ethnic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
. Such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
could become a
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
for tourism; attracting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and as such generating greater revenue for its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.
Furthermore
, it will bring about the exchange of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and services, harnessing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and resources dominant in each region. An example of this is Nigeria, where each specializes in a particular thing. A huge part of the nation's food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from the northern part of the country.

Nevertheless
, there are
also
disadvantages associated with societies in which we have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, one of such is disunity.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
there differ in culture and language. There seems to be jealousy, envy and greed among them. They compete with each other for high positions in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
which could lead to killing of each other.
Also
, it could lead to dwindling of its natural resources
as a result
of the struggle for power. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
and burn down infrastructures. An example is Nigeria, where the majority of
A determiner cannot combine with a possessive pronoun. Did you mean simply "its resources" or "the resources"?
the its resources
has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
due to ethnic war.

In summary, a society
that is
a combination of multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
will always
be faced
with merits and demerits associated with it. Globally,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
states
are made
up of individuals from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
places.
Therefore
, it
is recommended
that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should map out strategies that will enhance peaceful cohabitation within its territory.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays everywhere in the world has multicultural societies, in which there is a mixture of different ethnic people. What are the advantages and disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
290 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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