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In some countries more and more shops are open longer hours everyday what are the positive and negative development of this? v.1

In some countries more and more shops are open longer hours everyday what are the positive and negative development of this? v. 1
It is a trend in a part of the world to keep a high number of shops closed for a limited hours only, on a daily basis. This helps people to buy things as and when needed by them, and is also beneficial for the shopkeepers in the form of extra sales. However, such a trend has negative consequences, by way of enhancing the costs of the shopkeepers, and the expenses of the consumers. On the one hand, one of the major benefits of extending opening hours of the shops, is that the buyers can purchase their required goods anytime they want. The working class, as a result of this, will not have to miss office work, or take half leave to get their shopping done. Secondly, such an arrangement has positive results for the shopkeepers too. Having an access to the shops for more time, means an addition to sales, which results in higher profits to them. On the other hand, stretching the working hours for the shops has its own drawbacks too. Firstly, it means in addition to the overall operating cost of the shops. Expenses on facilities, such as lighting, air-conditioning or heating for the opened shops simply adds to the cost. This will result in addition to the cost of the product. The burden of which is directly shifted to the consumers, when they buy articles from such shops. To conclude, enhancing operating hours of the shops, will make buying more convenient and more profit generating. However, this will result in an extra burden on the buyers.
It is a trend in a part of the world to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
a high number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
closed for a limited
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "hour"?
hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
, on a daily basis. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things as and when needed by them, and is
also
beneficial for the shopkeepers in the form of extra sales.
However
, such a trend has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences, by way of enhancing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
of the shopkeepers, and the expenses of the consumers.

On the one hand, one of the major benefits of extending opening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, is that the buyers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
their required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
anytime they want. The working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
of this, will not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
miss office work, or take half
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their shopping done.
Secondly
, such an arrangement has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
for the shopkeepers too. Having
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "access".
an access
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
for more time, means an addition to sales, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
results
in higher profits to them.

On the other hand
, stretching the working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
drawbacks too.
Firstly
, it means
in addition
to the
overall
operating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
. Expenses on facilities, such as lighting, air-conditioning or heating for the opened
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
simply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
adds
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
. This will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in addition
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
of the product. The burden of which is
directly
shifted to the consumers, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
articles from such shops.

To conclude
, enhancing operating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shops
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
buying more convenient and more profit generating.
However
, this will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
result
in an extra burden on the buyers.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay In some countries more and more shops are open longer hours everyday what are the positive and negative development of this? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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