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Multicultural societies in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country v.1

Multicultural societies in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country v. 1
It is considered by some people that the government should invest more money on railways instead of on the roads. In spite the fact that ore money is required to construct railway tracks than roads yet railways are more safe and fast and more over they are environmental friendly because they does not burn any kind carbon fuel therefor create less pollution. Investing money in the modern line system convoy system will lead people from on place to another faster because trains do not have to face traffic congestion and more over they are way faster than private cars or bike and in addition they are the safest mode of transport and throughout the journey you can be productive because you will have a lot of spare time in line journey. For instance Indian government is introducing bullet trains from Mumbai to Ahmedabad which are one of the two most developed cities in India and this will connect these two cities trough a high speed transport. Although the expenditure of the railway is way more than the road, but still its commute is more cheaper and comfortable and also pollution free because track engine work on electricity which does not create pollution and is a renewable energy and more over caravan can carry hundreds of passengers in a single tour which makes it less expensive. Therefor more and more cities are constructed underground metros which make an expedition between cities very easy. For example, in India most of the developed cities have underground metros and the Indian government has a vision to make all the Indian cities a metro city. In conclusion, the Government should divert more funds to railway system and spend less on road transportation as this will effectively reduce the trip time and also less harmful for the environment.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should invest more money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
instead
of on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
. In spite the fact that ore money
is required
to construct
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
yet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
are more safe and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
and more over they are environmental friendly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "do"
does
not burn any kind carbon fuel therefor create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
pollution.

Investing money in the modern line system convoy system will lead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from on place to another faster
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
trains do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face traffic congestion and more over they are way faster than private cars or bike and
in addition
they are the safest mode of transport and throughout the journey you can be productive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
spare time in line journey.
For instance
Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is introducing bullet trains from Mumbai to Ahmedabad which are one of the two most developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
in India and this will connect these two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
trough a high speed transport.

Although the expenditure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
is way more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
still
its commute is
Use only "cheaper" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more cheaper
and comfortable and
also
pollution free
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
engine work on electricity which does not create pollution and is a renewable energy and more over caravan can carry hundreds of passengers in a single tour which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
expensive. Therefor more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are constructed
underground metros which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an expedition between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easy.
For example
, in India most of the developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
have underground metros and the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
has a vision to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
all the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
a metro city.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Government
should divert more funds to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
system and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
transportation as this will
effectively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the trip time and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
harmful for the environment.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay Multicultural societies in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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