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Multicultural societies in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country v.4

Multicultural societies in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country v. 4
Since the time immemorial, the multicultural societies have prospered enormously when compared to those based on single ideology. History is replete with numerous instances showcasing the fact that people belonging to disparate origins but being part of a single society has proved to be a contributing factor in the uplifting of the great nations. Therefore, in my opinion, the advantages of multicultural societies obviously outweighs there shortcomings. Multicultural societies, firstly, are much more interesting as they bring people from various religions and races into a single umbrella; resulting in social equality and religious harmony across the nation. Great countries such as the USA, Australia, and the UK were formed by the indigenous people from various races who had migrated from different countries and formed an excellent multicultural nation having an efficient development model. Secondly, a society made up of people from different races would balance the political power to be distributed among common people, instead of having a central power which is very common among many of the GCC countries, where they are ruled by people with single race and religion. A society formed by people from various cultures have had produced best-in-class eminent scholars, artists, scientists, and authors, as they share the beauty of different schools of thoughts and come up with beautiful combinations. The USA, for instance, is behind the invention of various groundbreaking technologies and solutions for many of the problems faced by the earth, and if we closely look at the success behind them, it would be evident that these results were only possible due to the contribution from scientists from various races. More importantly, people living in a multicultural society are more tolerant towards each other resulting in a peaceful and brotherly environment for a living. On the other hand, few of the multicultural societies does show some signs of negative elements, such as racial discrimination and religious intolerance, these, however, are being strictly treated and thwarted by the leaders of the society and can be considered to be almost eradicated. From the above argument, it can be concluded that, although multicultural societies might have certain shortcomings, the benefits and interesting aspects it brings are enormous and clearly outweighs the drawbacks.
Since the time immemorial, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
have prospered
enormously
when compared to those based on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
ideology. History is replete with numerous instances showcasing the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
belonging to disparate origins
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
being part of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
has proved to be a contributing factor in the uplifting of the great nations.
Therefore
, in my opinion, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
obviously
outweighs
Did you mean "their"?
there
shortcomings.

Multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
,
firstly
, are much more interesting as they bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
religions and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
races
into a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
umbrella; resulting in social equality and religious harmony across the nation. Great countries such as the USA, Australia, and the UK
were formed
by the indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
races
who had migrated from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
countries and formed an excellent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
nation having an efficient development model.
Secondly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
made up of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
races
would balance the political power to
be distributed
among common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
instead
of having a central power which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the GCC countries, where they
are ruled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
race
and religion.

A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
formed by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
cultures have had produced best-in-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
eminent scholars, artists, scientists, and authors, as they share the beauty of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
schools of thoughts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
combinations. The USA,
for instance
, is behind the invention of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
groundbreaking technologies and solutions for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the problems faced by the earth, and if we
closely
look at the success behind them, it would be evident that these results were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
possible due to the contribution from scientists from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
races
. More
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
are more tolerant towards each other resulting in a peaceful and
brotherly
environment for a living.

On the other hand
, few of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
signs of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
elements, such as racial discrimination and religious intolerance, these,
however
, are being
strictly
treated and thwarted by the leaders of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and can
be considered
to be almost eradicated.

From the above argument, it can
be concluded
that, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
multicultural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
might have certain shortcomings, the benefits and interesting aspects it brings are enormous and
clearly
outweighs the drawbacks.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Multicultural societies in which there is a mixture of different ethnic peoples bring more benefits than drawbacks to a country v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
366 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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