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Nowadays consumer goods have become the most important part of people’s lives. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v.15

Nowadays consumer goods have become the most important part of people’s lives. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15
Consumer goods are ubiquitous, and it's impossible to visualize life without them. From brushing our teeth to sleeping at night, every human activity requires them. What would our lives be like without them? The first scenario would be that of their unavailability at the local store. Imagine having to go to the soap factory or its warehouse, to have to buy soap that I need in my home every day. Even if I decide to stock my home on a monthly basis, I would still have to travel all the way to the factory and back once in a month, which is too much trouble for something so little as soap. I would have to repeat this for all the items that I need, with no time for any other productive activity. Let's say that availability is not a problem, but the only way I could buy them was in bulk. What would I do with bucket loads of milk? Where would I store them? What about the other items I need? Will I be able to find enough space to store my supplies and live comfortably as well? Especially as housing is so expensive - anywhere in the world. Hence, packaged goods with the choice to buy either in bulk or individually are such a boon. In conclusion, if I want to focus on doing things that I enjoy and make money to indulge in them, then I can't do without retail products. Just on the two counts described above, it's easy to see why the benefits of consumables have served to make them an integral part of our life. Eventually, one hopes that their presentation will prove beneficial to the environment too.
Consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
are ubiquitous, and it's impossible to visualize life without them. From brushing our teeth to sleeping at night, every human activity requires them. What would our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
be like without them?

The
first
scenario would be that of their unavailability at the local store. Imagine having to go to the soap factory or its warehouse, to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
soap that I need in my home every day. Even if I decide to stock my home on a monthly basis, I would
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
travel all the way to the factory and back once in a month, which is too much trouble for something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
as soap. I would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
repeat this for all the items that I need, with no time for any other productive activity.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
's say that availability is not a problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way I could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them was in bulk. What would I do with bucket loads of milk? Where would I store them? What about the other items I need? Will I be able to find
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
space to store my supplies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
as well
?
Especially
as housing is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
expensive
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
anywhere in the world.
Hence
, packaged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
with the choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
either in bulk or
individually
are such a boon.

In conclusion
, if I want to focus on doing things that I enjoy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money to indulge in them, then I can't do without retail products.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
on the two counts
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above, it's easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
why the benefits of consumables have served to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them an integral part of our life.
Eventually
, one hopes that their presentation will prove beneficial to the environment too.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays consumer goods have become the most important part of people’s lives. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages? v. 15

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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