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Consumer goods have become the most important part of people’s lives. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Consumer goods have become the most important part of people’s lives. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
In modern times, consumer items have gained significant importance in our lives. In this essay, I will shed some light on the merits and demerits of this phenomenon and then provide my own opinion. On the one hand, there are compelling benefits of people using consumer goods in their daily lives. The primary advantage is that these items save a person’s time. For instance, people frequently use a computer to buy a product from various e-commerce sites instead of spending time driving to brick-and-mortar stores; Indeed, time is money. In addition, consumer gadgets have made communication much easier and affordable between people. For example, a person can use a mobile phone’s chat or video conferencing software to keep in touch with other people by paying a fraction of the cost when compared to the past. Therefore, consumers can reap the benefits of these products. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages of people relying on consumer goods on a day-to-day basis. First of all, a person can become materialistic by owning more items such as a tablet computer, smart watch, exotic car, and so on. Moreover, consumers may succumb to a large financial debt by purchasing various products such as a 3D flat-screen television, latest smartphone, et cetera on instalments or credit cards. Consequently, a person will lose frugality and societies may become dysfunctional. In conclusion, I firmly agree that the merits of a consumer product on people’s daily lives outweigh the drawbacks; consumer goods can save a person’s time and enable easier communication with other people.
In modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
items have gained significant importance in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In this essay, I will shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on the merits and demerits of this phenomenon and then provide my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
opinion.

On the one hand, there are compelling benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The primary advantage is that these items save a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a computer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a product from various e-commerce sites
instead
of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
driving to brick-and-mortar stores;
Indeed
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is money.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
gadgets have made communication much easier and affordable between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a mobile phone’s chat or video conferencing software to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
in touch with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by paying a fraction of the cost when compared to the past.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
can reap the benefits of these products.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
relying on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
on a day-to-day basis.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
can become materialistic by owning more items such as a tablet computer, smart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
, exotic car, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
may succumb to a large financial debt by purchasing various products such as a 3D flat-screen television,
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
smartphone,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et cetera
on
Possible spelling mistake. 'instalments' is British English.
instalments
or credit cards.
Consequently
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
will lose frugality and societies may become dysfunctional.

In conclusion
, I
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the merits of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
product on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
outweigh the drawbacks;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
can save a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and enable easier communication with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Consumer goods have become the most important part of people’s lives. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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