Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Mary Dixon, Director of the Student Life Committee, announced yesterday that beginning next semester university cafeterias will broadcast classical music during mealtimes. “Music will foster a more relaxed atmosphere. ” Said Dixon, ”Students’ lives v.1

Mary Dixon, Director of the Student Life Committee, announced yesterday that beginning next semester university cafeterias will broadcast classical music during mealtimes. “Music will foster a more relaxed atmosphere. ” Said Dixon, ”Students’ lives v. 1
The revolutionary advancements in the modern technology have endowed people with substantial resources for their survival in the best possible way. The variety of facilities enable the people to adopt best possible opportunities in their life. However, there are sections of society which even don't have the basic necessities of life. I partially agree with this statement. To begin with, with the advancement in preservatives, it is possible to have any particular type of food throughout the year without having to wait for a particular season in which the food was grown. Secondly, with the improvements in the transport system, it is now possible to book tickets online rather than going to the railway station for booking the tickets. With the recent advancements, it is possible now to check the running status of any train through the use of internet enabled devices such as mobile and laptops. Finally, with the latest inventions in the healthcare, it is possible to treat identify and treat deadly diseases. There is, however unequal distribution of the positive impact of technology. In many underdeveloped nations people are lacking basic amenities like food, transport and healthcare. According to WHO survey, almost 50% population does not have clean drinking water and 35% living substandard life. Job opportunities are limited to developed countries only as a result of which undeveloped countries are devoid of these advantages. To conclude, although recent breakthroughs in the modern technology make the life easier for people in developed countries, but undeveloped nations are deprived of these technological advancements as they still don't have the basic necessities.
The revolutionary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
in the modern technology have endowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with substantial resources for their survival in the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
way. The variety of facilities
Did you mean "enables"?
enable
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
A determiner is probably missing here: "adopt the best".
adopt best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
opportunities in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, there are sections of society which even don't have the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancement
in preservatives, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
to have any particular type of food throughout the year without having to wait for a particular season in which the food
was grown
.
Secondly
, with the improvements in the transport system, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
to book tickets online
rather
than going to the railway station for booking the tickets. With the recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the running status of any train through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of internet enabled devices such as mobile and laptops.
Finally
, with the latest inventions in the healthcare, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
possible
to treat identify and treat deadly diseases.

There is,
however
unequal distribution of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact of technology. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
underdeveloped nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are lacking basic amenities like food, transport and healthcare. According to WHO survey, almost 50% population does not have clean drinking water and 35% living substandard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Job opportunities
are limited
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
as a result
of which undeveloped countries are devoid of these advantages.

To conclude
, although recent breakthroughs in the modern technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
undeveloped nations
are deprived
of these technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advancements
as they
still
don't have the
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Mary Dixon, Director of the Student Life Committee, announced yesterday that beginning next semester university cafeterias will broadcast classical music during mealtimes. “Music will foster a more relaxed atmosphere. ” Said Dixon, ”Students’ lives v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts