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Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects it brings. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects it brings. v. 1
In recent days the advertisements play a pivotal role in children's behaviour and lifestyle. Most of the people suggest to reduce advertising due to its negative impact. I completely agree with this point. First of all, it is undeniable that children's food promotion is dominated by advertising which influences youngster's cuisine preferences and their purchase behaviour. For instance, promotion of fast foodstuff may not only influence on child's desirable behaviour, but also encourage them to buy these type of meal. Which cause the most common global problem obesity from earlier ages. Some studies showed the more feed adverts, they saw, the more snacks and calories they consumed. Second of all, it is frequently noted that in some non childish channels may show obscene things, such as short term videos not for the young one's eyes. Moreover, due to this type of advertising youngsters can obtain the data not for their ages. To illustrate, there is a debate about the children's fast growing, more precisely, they know the huge amount of things about elder people's lifestyles between female and male. However, elder generation, even cannot imagine that this would happen through advertising impact. That is why advertisements should be banned or restricted. To conclude, there are even more reasons to stop showing an advert on TV. Thus, I presume that without any adverts could be solved the large amount of problems in the world.
In recent days the advertisements play a pivotal role in children's
behaviour
and lifestyle. Most of the
people
suggest to
reduce
advertising due to its
negative
impact. I completely
agree
with this point.

First of all
, it is undeniable that children's food promotion
is dominated
by advertising which influences youngster's cuisine preferences and their
purchase
behaviour
.
For instance
, promotion of
fast
foodstuff may not
only
influence on child's desirable
behaviour
,
but
also
encourage them to
buy
these type of meal.
Which
cause the most common global problem obesity from earlier ages.
Some
studies
showed
the more feed adverts, they
saw
, the more snacks and calories they consumed.

Second of all, it is
frequently
noted that in
some
non childish
channels may
show
obscene things, such as short term videos not for the young one's eyes.
Moreover
, due to this type of advertising youngsters can obtain the data not for their ages. To illustrate, there is a debate about the children's
fast
growing, more
precisely
, they know the huge amount of things about elder
people
's lifestyles between female and male.

However
, elder generation, even cannot imagine that this would happen through advertising impact.
That is
why advertisements should
be banned
or restricted.

To conclude
, there are even more reasons to
stop
showing an advert on TV.
Thus
, I presume that without any adverts could
be solved
the large amount of problems in the world.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays a large amount of advertising aiming at children should be banned because of the negative effects it brings. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
233 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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