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PART 11. How often do you watch film? 2. Do you prefer to watch film on DVD or at cinemas? 3. do you think parents should control the kinds of films their children watch? Part 2Describe a song that you enjoy listening to. you should say: * what it is* when you v.1

PART 11. How often do you watch film? 2. Do you prefer to watch film on DVD or at cinemas? 3. do you think parents should control the kinds of films their children watch? Part 2Describe a song that you enjoy listening to. you should say: * what it is* when you v. 1
There is no doubt that entertainment and multinational company professionals are earning enormous in comparison with workers like nurses, doctors and teachers and as per trend the difference in earning is going to ballooned in coming years as well. In my opinion, professionals in health and teaching occupation should be paid more or at par with respect to film actors or company bosses as former professionals help to build a healthy nation and later help in developing the nation. Firstly, earning a doctorate degree is not an easy task, it involves a couple of years’ hard work and dedication in the study. If these professionals are not paid well, which will lead to dissatisfaction among them, due to which they will not perform their work with full dedication as a result this leads to ill health of communities. Also, as per the research that if a professional is not paid well, he will not perform their duty with full determination. Secondly, education professionals are those who can build the nations if they pass correct and valuable education and knowledge to their country’s youth. If they are not satisfied with their earnings, this can hinder the nation's progress. Also, if a profession is not rewarding, it will lead to shortage of workforce of those professionals, which can harshly impact the nation’s growth. Therefore, it necessary to maintain an equilibrium among all professions. To conclude, professionals like nurses, doctor and teacher should be on the top of highly paid professions category to make the citizens healthy and students knowledgeable. Therefore, it's necessary to pay more to the professionals like nurses, doctors and teacher in comparison with film actors and company's bosses.
There is no doubt that entertainment and multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
enormous
in comparison
with workers like nurses, doctors and teachers and as per trend the difference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
is going to
'Going to' requires the base form: "balloon"
ballooned
in coming years
as well
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
in health and teaching occupation should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more or at par with respect to film actors or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
bosses as former
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to build a healthy nation and later
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in developing the nation.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earning
a doctorate degree is not an easy task, it involves a couple of years’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and dedication in the study. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
well, which will lead to dissatisfaction among them, due to which they will not perform their work with full dedication
as a result
this leads to ill health of communities.
Also
, as per the research that if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
is not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
well, he will not perform their duty with full determination.

Secondly
, education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
are those who can build the nations if they pass correct and valuable education and knowledge to their country’s youth. If they are not satisfied with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earnings
, this can hinder the nation's progress.
Also
, if a profession is not rewarding, it will lead to shortage of workforce of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
, which can
harshly
impact the nation’s growth.
Therefore
,
It seems that a verb is missing after "it". Please verify.
it
necessary to maintain an equilibrium among all professions.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
like nurses, doctor and teacher should be on the top of
highly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
professions category to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the citizens healthy and students knowledgeable.
Therefore
, it's necessary to pay more to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professionals
like nurses, doctors and teacher
in comparison
with film actors and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's bosses.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay PART 11. How often do you watch film? 2. Do you prefer to watch film on DVD or at cinemas? 3. do you think parents should control the kinds of films their children watch? Part 2Describe a song that you enjoy listening to. you should say: * what it is* when you v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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