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Nowadays children watch lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays children watch lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. v. 1
In the recent times, technology has uncertainly affected person’s life by introducing new gadgets which attract most of the teenagers providing recreational and amusement programs. Some people opine that the use of such an instrument would be detrimental to the growth of mind in the blooming. I strongly disagree this point by giving argument in the below paragraphs. To begin with, the most important reason is that TV provides a number of different programs which, provides information about the nation. Even some broadcast uses the latest technology, which also helps them to know about the advancement in the science. For example, there are many programs running on the television such as Britania Champion ship, which covers the quiz. By watching such programs the child can increase their intelligence and acquire the enlightenment about the globe. Moreover, this type of activities helps the children to rejuvenate from their regular study. Although, provides a new way of learning which attracts them to continue the study would be beneficial in the later future. Furthermore, Because of the internet availability many different games are available in the market. This type of games also helps in to escalation of the concentration; helps during the academic work. Some of the games also require the decision and analytic thinking as per the opponent player action. For instance, chess is the game which helps an individual in the growth of the mind and raise the concentration. Thus, games are the medium that serves the happiness to the children and for the mind grows. In conclusion, electronic gadgets having some detrimental effect on the child’s vision abilities, but, would provide many merits. Therefore, teenagers would become elated and give their more attention to their studies. The government should promote some educational programs.
In the recent times, technology has
uncertainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
person’s life by introducing new gadgets which attract most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
providing recreational and amusement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of such an instrument would be detrimental to the growth of mind in the blooming. I
strongly
disagree this point by giving argument in the below paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reason is that TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
information about the nation. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
broadcast
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
the latest technology, which
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to know about the advancement in the science.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
running on the television such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Britania
Champion ship, which covers the quiz. By watching such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
the child can increase their intelligence and acquire the enlightenment about the globe.
Moreover
, this type of activities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
the children to rejuvenate from their regular study.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provides
a new way of learning which attracts them to continue the study would be beneficial in the later future.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the internet availability
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are available in the market. This type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in to escalation of the concentration;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
during the academic work.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
also
require the decision and analytic thinking as per the opponent player action.
For instance
, chess is the game which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
an individual in the growth of the mind and raise the concentration.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are the medium that serves the happiness to the children and for the mind grows.

In conclusion
, electronic gadgets having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
detrimental effect on the child’s vision abilities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, would
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
merits.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
would become elated and give their more attention to their studies. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should promote
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
educational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Nowadays children watch lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child’s mental health. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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