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Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. v. 1
Many parents try to reduce their children's addiction to TV and video games. They claim that these entertainments could harm the mental health of the children. Although I agree that watching TV and playing video games are mentally harmful, there are benefits offered by these activities as well. Parents have been wary of the presence of TV and video games among children. They are justifiably worried about various harmful contents, specifically violence contained in TV and video games. This substance can convey a wrong message that violence is justified. As an example, underage boys who watch boxing on the TV sometimes apply what they watch in real life by punching their friends whenever they are fighting. The bad behavior developed by watching these programs could affect the growth of the children, which could potentially lead them to become aggressive later on. Conversely, if leveraged correctly, TV and video games can provide multiple benefits for their audience. Aside from violent substances, there are other TV shows and games that can be educative. These types of entertainment have the ability to increase specific skills. For instance, video games about farming can trigger the curiosity of the children to learn about agriculture, while TV shows about an educational quiz can encourage them to study many subjects in a more interesting way. Thus, parents can identify and limit the type of activities involving electronic screens that can be beneficial for their kids. To conclude, although I agree that TV and video games bring disadvantages, I also believe that TV shows and video games should still present in children's lives to be rightly used as an attractive education tool.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
parents try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their children's addiction to TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. They claim that these entertainments could harm the mental health of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that watching TV and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are mentally harmful, there are benefits offered by these activities
as well
.

Parents have been wary of the presence of TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They are
justifiably
worried about various harmful contents,
specifically
violence contained in TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. This substance can convey a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
message that violence
is justified
. As an example, underage boys who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
boxing on the TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
apply what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
in real life by punching their friends whenever they are fighting. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
behavior developed by watching these programs could affect the growth of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which could
potentially
lead them to become aggressive later on.

Conversely
, if leveraged
correctly
, TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can provide multiple benefits for their audience. Aside from violent substances, there are other TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that can be educative. These types of entertainment have the ability to increase specific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
about farming can trigger the curiosity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn about agriculture, while TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
about an educational quiz can encourage them to study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
subjects in a more interesting way.
Thus
, parents can identify and limit the type of activities involving electronic screens that can be beneficial for their kids.

To conclude
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that TV and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
bring disadvantages, I
also
believe that TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
should
still
present in children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to be
rightly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an attractive education tool.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games. However, some people think that these activities are not good for a child's mental health. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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