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Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games However some people think that activities are not good for a child s mental health To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games However some people think that activities are not good for a child s mental health v. 2
Children spend their leisure time with TV and video games and it is believed by some people that kids consume their most of the time with such things and it has adverse impact on their brain. In my opinion, these technical tools help them to learn things however the addiction of this makes them lazy. Firstly, games and television are the sources to learn new things and improve ability. Kids develop their minds by playing video games and learn to develop more skills. Interest in mind games allow them to use their mind effectively to win the game and improve their creative skills. For instance, online cheese games help them to work under pressure and increase their intelligence to new levels. Which in return can be used in real life situations. Hence, gaming and watching television is an effective way to improve the brain of a pupil. Although, the habit of playing for long hours and addiction can create barrier to mental development. Watching TV makes a man lazy and addiction of it creates a barrier to mental development. It does not allow a kid to think beyond certain limits, which impact badly on their overall building. Therefore television should be avoided after certain hours of usage. Reports have shown that addicted to such technical tools have adverse impact on mental health of an individual and it results an isolation from the society. In conclusion, watching TV and playing video games improves the kid’s mental ability, however the addiction to these tools show negative impacts on the same. Hence, I believe time management plays a critical role in it.
Children spend their leisure time with TV and video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
consume their most of the time with such things and it has adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on their brain. In my opinion, these technical tools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to learn things
however
the addiction of this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them lazy.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and television are the sources to learn new things and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
ability.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
develop their minds by playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and learn to develop more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Interest in mind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their mind
effectively
to win the game and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
their creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
For instance
, online cheese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to work under pressure and increase their intelligence to new levels.
“Which” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Which
in return can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in real life situations.
Hence
, gaming and watching television is an effective way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improve
the brain of a pupil.

Although, the habit of playing for long hours and addiction can create barrier to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
development. Watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
lazy and addiction of it creates a barrier to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
development. It does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
beyond certain limits, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
badly
on their
overall
building.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
television should
be avoided
after certain hours of usage. Reports have shown that addicted to such technical tools have adverse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impact
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
health of an individual and it results an isolation from the society.

In conclusion
, watching TV and playing video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
improves
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mental
ability,
however
the addiction to these tools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
impacts
on the same.
Hence
, I believe time management plays a critical role in it.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games However some people think that activities are not good for a child s mental health v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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