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Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games However some people think that activities are not good for a child s mental health To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games However some people think that activities are not good for a child s mental health v. 1
It is argued that more people prefer to share personal information with the technology corporations in exchange for software access. Although there is a risk in providing personal information because this can be exploited for their business interest, I believe that the extraordinary functions the application software can perform are far more outweigh the drawback. Providing personal data to the software companies can be risky because this can be misused for malicious purposes. This means that they can disclose confidential data to other parties in exchange for a large amount of money. For example, The Smart-tech company in the Philippines was charged with multiple criminal cases during the Presidential election last 2018, because they sell personal data for politicians benefits. However, I believe that the use of software applications to process complex tasks far more outweigh the drawback. The most significant merit in the use of a software application program is the platform design to process tremendous jobs beyond human knowledge. It is highly important to many people as this can increase productivity and efficiency. As a result, the majority of people in the world are profoundly dependent on the use of many applications such as Microsoft, Word, Excel, and PowerPoint. For example, every individual uses Microsoft Office Applications as primary tools to perform daily work. Therefore, obtaining software applications to execute a complicated process far more outweighs the drawback, as it functions great jobs than humans. In conclusion, although technology companies can abuse the personal information provided by many people because of money, the huge impact of using the application software to boost productivity and efficiency far more outweigh the drawback.
It
is argued
that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to share
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information with the technology corporations in exchange for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
access. Although there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
in providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can
be exploited
for their business interest, I believe that the extraordinary functions the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
can perform are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outweigh
the drawback.

Providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can be risky
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this can
be misused
for malicious purposes. This means that they can disclose confidential data to other parties in exchange for a large amount of money.
For example
, The Smart-tech
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the Philippines
was charged
with multiple criminal cases during the Presidential election last 2018,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they sell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
data for politicians benefits.
However
, I believe that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
to process complex tasks
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outweigh
the drawback.

The most significant merit in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
program is the platform design to process tremendous jobs beyond human knowledge. It is
highly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
as this can increase productivity and efficiency.
As a result
, the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world are
profoundly
dependent on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
such as Microsoft, Word, Excel, and PowerPoint.
For example
, every individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
Microsoft Office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Applications
as primary tools to perform daily work.
Therefore
, obtaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
applications
to execute a complicated process
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outweighs
the drawback, as it functions great jobs than humans.

In conclusion
, although technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
can abuse the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
information provided by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of money, the huge impact of using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
application
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
software
to boost productivity and efficiency
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
far
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outweigh
the drawback.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children watch a lot of TV and play video games However some people think that activities are not good for a child s mental health v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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