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Some people think that schools should reward students who have the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show progress. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people think that schools should reward students who have the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show progress. v. 2
The debate is about the reward should be given to the best students in the class or a progressive one. In the like manner, some believe that owner the best students who achieve the best academic results. While on the other hand prize should be given to the progressive students. In this essay, we will discuss the positive attributes of both ways in the following paragraphs. Motivation is must for a progressive person to achieve their goals. Furthermore, it helps them to remain boosted and positive towards their ambition. Which indirectly make them competent and capable to produce better outputs as compare to their own previous records. School authorities should support and encourage them to achieve their target scores. There are ample of examples which have shown the motivation and encouragement helps an individual to achieve their band in a timely manner, such as very we renowned personality in India named Shahrukh Khan, an actor has itself said in his various interviews that encouragement from his mother was the prime part of his success. While on the other hand, the top scorers are also equally important for the school and the society. Hence they are the one who decides the top limit for other students and sometimes act as a role model for an average student. The school should promote their names to government authorities for the rewards and owner. Therefore they remain ideal for the rest of the community and set an example for other students to stimulate for their set targets. In brief, both the category of students are equally important for the society. In my opinion, the reward should be given to both types of students but the levels of the prize must be different.
The debate is about the reward should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
or a progressive one. In the like manner,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
believe that owner the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
the best academic results.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand prize should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the progressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. In this essay, we will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
attributes of both ways in the following paragraphs.

Motivation is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for a progressive person to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
their goals.
Furthermore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to remain boosted and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
towards their ambition. Which
indirectly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them competent and capable to produce better outputs as compare to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
previous records. School authorities should support and encourage them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
their target scores. There are ample of examples which have shown the motivation and encouragement
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
an individual to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
their band in a timely manner, such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
we renowned personality in India named
Possible spelling mistake found.
Shahrukh
Khan, an actor has itself said in his various interviews that encouragement from his mother was the prime part of his success.

While on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the top scorers are
also
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the school and the society.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
they are the one who decides the top limit for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
act as a role model for an average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
. The school should promote their names to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
authorities for the rewards and owner.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they remain ideal for the rest of the community and set an example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to stimulate for their set targets.

In brief
, both the category of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the society. In my opinion, the reward should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to both types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the levels of the prize
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that schools should reward students who have the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show progress. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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