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Most high-level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? v.3

Most high-level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? v. 3
It is irrefutable that most of the upper-class jobs are performed by men category. Some people think that a law enforcement agency should quota some post for the women category only. In my opinion, that is must especially in the developing nations where females are bound to perform home duties only. One of the important factors is women empowerment. Which is equally important to bring the balance in the society, moreover it will encourage people to educate their girl child and the man-woman ratio will be maintained in society. However, it has been observed that most men are dominating in the developing nations and they are considered to be the only way of income. On the other side, a woman is suppressed to do home jobs and even girls are not allowed to take higher education in rural regions. Therefore, reserving some post for women only will prohibit such cultures and leads to equality. Another predominant factor is the balance in the society at the workplace, by means of it, ladies will be similarly treated and respected in the community against men. Moreover, job security will make them more independent and confident to live with dignity in their place. In addition to that, it has been studied that organizations with an equal ratio of man and woman are more successful. Such companies carry almost the same ratio of the task force and engage them more in their duties. Competition between opposite sex results in a better outcome, thus favouring the profit for the organization. In conclusion, most of the high-rank workforce includes males only and females are kept isolated to perform house duties like making food and cleaning house only. Hence, the authorities required more focus inequality between sexes to bring the balance in society and make women feel confident and independent.
It is irrefutable that most of the upper-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
jobs
are performed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
category.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a law enforcement agency should quota
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
post for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
category
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
. In my opinion,
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
especially
in the developing nations where females
are bound
to perform home duties
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.

One of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
factors is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
empowerment. Which is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to bring the balance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
,
moreover
it will encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to educate their girl child and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
-woman ratio will
be maintained
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
However
, it has
been observed
that most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
are dominating in the developing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
nations and
they
are considered
to be the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
way of income. On the other side, a woman
is suppressed
to do home jobs and even girls are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to take higher education in rural regions.
Therefore
, reserving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
post for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
will prohibit such cultures and leads to equality.

Another predominant factor is the balance in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
at the workplace, by means of it, ladies will be
similarly
treated and respected in the community against
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.
Moreover
, job security will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them more independent and confident to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with dignity in their place.
In addition
to that, it has
been studied
that organizations with an equal ratio of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and woman are more successful. Such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
carry almost the same ratio of the task force and engage them more in their duties. Competition between opposite sex results in a better outcome,
thus
Possible spelling mistake. 'favouring' is British English.
favouring
the profit for the organization.

In conclusion
, most of the high-rank workforce includes males
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
and females are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
isolated to perform
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
duties like making food and cleaning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
.
Hence
, the authorities required more focus inequality between sexes to bring the balance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
feel confident and independent.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Most high-level jobs are done by men. Should the government encourage a certain percentage of these jobs to be reserved for women? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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