Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games than doing sports why is it happening Does it have a positive or negateive effect on thier development v.2

Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games than doing sports why is it happening Does it have a positive or negateive effect on thier development v. 2
Physical playing has an imperative role in the psychological and physical development at the initial stage of younger ones. However, modernization and urbanization have replaced the concept of outdoor sports with the indoor gaming which has increased the count of couch potatoes in the current generation. In my view, it is absolutely a negative trend that threatens not only physical condition but also a mental growth of the children. Firstly, urbanization has removed many street playgrounds from the existing town planning Including all the modern construction which are developed more congested and leaving no space for the children to enjoy their outdoor sports like cricket, football and so on. More to it, playing such sports in narrow streets has started causing disturbance to the so-called modern residentials which enforced the parents to keep their children in houses and inspire them to play inside the home only. Moreover, security of children has also become a major concern for the parents who both are struggling to earn a better life in the currently terrifying situation of world inflation. Hence, most of the parents facilitate their kids with a computer, mobile or video game to keep them captivated and busy inside the home. As a consequent, children are getting detached from the many benefits of playing outdoor sports. To illustrate, playing sports can keep them physically strong and help their organs to grow and function properly. Moreover, physical stretch can also expand the horizon of cognitive abilities of vulnerable in terms of problem-solving, decision-making and so on which will possibly be diminished due to not exposing to outdoor activities. Finally, sporting develops many other crucial skills of life like a team playing, winning and losing with grace, learning from failures etc where a new generation will be lacking due to the loss of contact from the outdoor games. To conclude, playing indoor games might be giving some brainstorming, however, a physical exertion is vital for the overall build up of kids. So, I strongly believe that sparing much time on computer games can be very harmful to the upcoming generation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
has an imperative role in the psychological and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
development at the initial stage of younger ones.
However
, modernization and urbanization have replaced the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
with the indoor gaming which has increased the count of couch potatoes in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation. In my view, it is
absolutely
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
trend that threatens not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
condition
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
a mental growth of the children.

Firstly
, urbanization has removed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
street playgrounds from the existing town planning Including all the modern construction which
are developed
more congested and leaving no space for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
like cricket, football and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. More to it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
in narrow streets has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
causing disturbance to the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
-called modern
Possible spelling mistake found.
residentials
which enforced the parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
and inspire them to play inside the home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
Moreover
, security of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
also
become a major concern for the parents who both are struggling to earn a better life in the
currently
terrifying situation of world inflation.
Hence
, most of the parents facilitate their kids with a computer, mobile or video game to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them captivated and busy inside the home.

As a consequent,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting detached from the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
. To illustrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them
physically
strong and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their organs to grow and function
properly
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
stretch can
also
expand the horizon of cognitive abilities of vulnerable in terms of problem-solving, decision-making and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on which will
possibly
be diminished
due to not exposing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
activities.
Finally
, sporting develops
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other crucial
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
of life like a team
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
, winning and losing with grace, learning from failures etc where a new generation will be lacking due to the loss of contact from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outdoor
games.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
indoor games might be giving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
brainstorming,
however
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exertion is vital for the
overall
build up of kids.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I
strongly
believe that sparing much time on computer games can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful to the upcoming generation.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games than doing sports why is it happening Does it have a positive or negateive effect on thier development v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts