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Computer games have become widely popular and people spend a lot of time playing them. What are the negatives and positives of playing computer games and what can be done to reduce the bad effect? v.1

Computer games have become widely popular and people spend a lot of time playing them. What are the negatives and positives of playing computer games and what can be done to reduce the bad effect? v. 1
Computers today are most common and their gaming aspect is a cult among the teenagers. Computer games are considered to have numerous bad effects, but I think if used in moderation they can be used as an effective tool for learning and development. Computer games are considered as a social evil in the society as they are associated with the dogma of time-wasting for school going students. To some extent, that may be true but everything about these games is not negative. Computer games help younger children to develop good hand-eye coordination which is crucial in their early stages. They are also full of fantasies which eventually aid in developing children' brains to be more imaginative and innovative. On the other hand, spending a long time on the computer not only wastes valuable time but also renders users physically inactive. Health hazards associated to this mainly includes obesity, weak eyes,   lower back problems and so on. Apart from this, cognitive development, which is critical during childhood, tends to go for toss thanks to increased addiction to gaming. These problems are a cause of concern among parents. To curb their negative aspects, parents should keep strict control over the time children are exposed to these games and should promote engagement in physical and brain games. In fact, game producing companies have also realised this and have started preparing gaming consoles which involve more physical movement, suggesting that everyone is doing their bit to promote the positive aspects of this innovation. To conclude, there are always two sides associated with everything: one affirmative and the other negative. It all comes down to how you want to utilise the potential of any innovation.
Computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are most common and their gaming aspect is a cult among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are considered
to have numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in moderation they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as an effective tool for learning and development.

Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are considered
as a social evil in the society as they
are associated
with the dogma of time-wasting for school going students. To
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, that may be true
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
everything about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
younger children to develop
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
hand-eye coordination which is crucial in their early stages. They are
also
full of fantasies which
eventually
aid in developing children' brains to be more imaginative and innovative.

On the other hand
, spending a long time on the computer not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
wastes valuable time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
renders users
physically
inactive. Health hazards associated to this
mainly
includes obesity, weak eyes,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
lower back problems and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Apart from this, cognitive development, which is critical during childhood, tends to go for toss thanks to increased addiction to gaming. These problems are a cause of concern among parents.

To curb their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
strict control over the time children
are exposed
to these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and should promote engagement in physical and brain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. In fact, game producing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have
also
Possible spelling mistake. 'realised' is British English.
realised
this and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
preparing gaming consoles which involve more physical movement, suggesting that everyone is doing their bit to promote the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of this innovation.

To conclude
, there are always two sides associated with everything: one affirmative and the other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
. It all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
down to how you want to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
the potential of any innovation.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Computer games have become widely popular and people spend a lot of time playing them. What are the negatives and positives of playing computer games and what can be done to reduce the bad effect? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
281 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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