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Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games than doing sports why is it happening Does it have a positive or negateive effect on thier development v.1

Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games than doing sports why is it happening Does it have a positive or negateive effect on thier development v. 1
There is a common belief that a straight path to a fulfilling profession is to embark on a career and keep pursuing it steadily rather than to switch jobs often. I totally disagree with this opinion because it is quite a troublesome task to acquire new skills and a steep wage raise while occupying the same position for years. The main reason why I do not believe in the idea of a lifelong employment is because it provides limited opportunity to develop one’s skill set. Generally, employers, who are in a search for long-term staff members, are huge companies with established processes and job descriptions; therefore, they value steadiness over experiments and worker’s personal initiative, thus making it almost impossible for an employee to learn anything new. For instance, almost 6 out of 10 of all of the resigned IT specialists from the top-10 Russian banks decided to change their jobs due to a feeling of a professional stagnation. Another reason why I do not support the notion that a slow career tends to be more rewarding is due to its improbability to guarantee a high salary. Obviously, there are almost no reasons for a management of a company to rise a payment rate frequently for the same quality and amount of work; moreover, it is a more compelling option to hire experienced and qualified professional instead of investing in the training of current personnel. For example, a recent study, conducted by a major HR company, has shown that an income of a specialist, who change their occupation once a year, tends to be higher by 30% comparing to those who are more loyal. In conclusion, I completely disagree that those, who aspire to achieve a professional fulfilment, have to settle in one organisation for an extended period of time. Given this situation, it seems that more and more companies and professionals will acknowledge the benefits of a frequent place alteration.
There is a common belief that a straight path to a fulfilling profession is to embark on a career and
keep
pursuing it
steadily
rather
than to switch jobs
often
. I
totally
disagree with this opinion
because
it is quite a troublesome task to acquire new
skills
and a steep wage raise while occupying the same position for years.

The main reason why I do not believe in the
idea
of a lifelong employment is
because
it provides limited opportunity to develop one’s
skill
set.
Generally
, employers,
who
are in a search for long-term staff members, are huge
companies
with established processes and job descriptions;
therefore
, they value steadiness over experiments and worker’s personal initiative,
thus
making it almost impossible for an employee to learn anything new.
For instance
, almost 6 out of 10 of
all of the
resigned IT specialists from the top-10 Russian banks decided to
change
their jobs due to a feeling of a
professional
stagnation.

Another reason why I do not support the notion that a slow career tends to be more rewarding is due to its improbability to guarantee a high salary.
Obviously
, there are almost no reasons for a management of a
company
to rise a payment rate
frequently
for the same quality and amount of work;
moreover
, it is a more compelling option to hire experienced and qualified
professional
instead
of investing in the training of
current
personnel.
For example
, a recent study, conducted by a major HR
company
, has shown that an income of a specialist,
who
change
their occupation once a year, tends to be higher by 30% comparing to those
who
are more loyal.

In conclusion
, I completely disagree that those,
who
aspire to achieve a
professional
fulfilment
,
have to
settle in one
organisation
for an extended period of time.
Given
this situation, it seems that more and more
companies
and
professionals
will acknowledge the benefits of a frequent place alteration.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children spend more time playing computer games than doing sports why is it happening Does it have a positive or negateive effect on thier development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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