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Do you feel that it is good idea for governments to place a restriction on the number of children a family can have in order to control rising population numbers v.1

Do you feel that it is good idea for governments to place a restriction on the number of children a family can have in order to control rising population numbers v. 1
In the recent era, undoubtedly, the food and beverage industry has taken mammoth dimensions with a range of drinking options, but, at the same time numerous people across the globe are getting addicted to these unhealthy drinks. In this essay, I will discuss the reason for this problem and the corrective actions to deal with this issue. To begin with, the first and foremost reason for the growing number of people taking these sugar-based drinks is their availability in the market. Almost, all the shops and supermarkets are selling such products to maximize their profits without even giving a thought that how unhealthy it is, for a person's life. Secondly, their long shell life because of the preservatives which makes it easier to store them for a longer duration. In addition, the celebrities from the film industry and sports who do advertisements for these products also play a crucial role in their increasing numbers. For example, in a recent survey in India, it has been reported that there is a sharp increase in the number of people using sugar-based drinks when celebrities promote them. There are many alternatives which can easily replace these unhealthy drinks. First of all, the government should increase the prices of these products to make it out of reach for numerous people. Then, the authorities should run social campaigns to aware the masses about the health ailments caused by these drinks. Lastly, to promote the homemade juices like lemon water, honey and lemon, fruit juice which provide many important nutrients. To conclude, although, it cannot be denied that a myriad of people are using preservatives based drinks, but getting them aware about the health problems caused by them and promoting fresh juices is the responsibility of the bureaucrats
In the recent era,
undoubtedly
, the food and beverage industry has taken mammoth dimensions with a range of drinking options,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, at the same time numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
across the globe are getting addicted to these unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
. In this essay, I will discuss the reason for this problem and the corrective actions to deal with this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
first
and foremost reason for the growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
taking these sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
is their availability in the market. Almost, all the shops and supermarkets are selling such products to maximize their profits without even giving a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that how unhealthy it is, for a person's life.
Secondly
, their long shell life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the preservatives which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier to store them for a longer duration.
In addition
, the celebrities from the film industry and sports who do advertisements for these products
also
play a crucial role in their increasing numbers.
For example
, in a recent survey in India, it has
been reported
that there is a sharp increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using sugar-based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
when celebrities promote them.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
alternatives which can
easily
replace these unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase the prices of these products to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it out of reach for numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Then, the authorities should run social campaigns to aware the masses about the health ailments caused by these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
.
Lastly
, to promote the homemade juices like lemon water, honey and lemon, fruit juice which provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
nutrients.

To conclude
, although, it cannot
be denied
that a myriad of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are using preservatives based
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drinks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
getting them aware about the health problems caused by them and promoting fresh juices is the responsibility of the bureaucrats
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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IELTS essay Do you feel that it is good idea for governments to place a restriction on the number of children a family can have in order to control rising population numbers v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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