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Nowadays many young people are often spending their free time in a shopping center. This has a negative effect on the youth and the society to what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v.1

Nowadays many young people are often spending their free time in a shopping center. This has a negative effect on the youth and the society with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 1
In this day and age, there are those who believe that it is better to try the satisfied things or fix the failed situation, while others opine that the best way is the accepting the bad event whether the low salary or unexpected job. Personally, both views will be examined throughout the following paragraphs. There are some justifications why people accept their situations is the best way, even the bad things as same as insufficiency of money. As a first point, some people argue that it is too late to fix their problems, especially the people who are not stable financial parent statement which make them have less choices. A good illustration is that Some people graduate the high school, so it is difficult to have high positions in their jobs. They only can do the best of their abilities instead and aim to work hard to keep the deposit for in future plans. According to the other perspective, supporters opine that there are other options could be better so, the improvement brings out the several advantages subsequently. The most important is high standard in their lives, whether society or personality. For instance, higher salary mostly is being managers, so who can know they need to collect the working experience and graduate high degree for being effective ability. This action contributes to the good results of people’s attempts. In conclusion, even through certain people are satisfied with their status even they are not, both of statements still are the controversial discussion with the people demand improving. In my point of view, I totally realise that if people improve their skills or abilities which lead to the higher salary as same as high position obviously.
In this day and age, there are those who believe that it is better to try the satisfied things or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the failed situation, while others opine that the best way is the accepting the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
whether the low salary or unexpected job.
Personally
, both views will
be examined
throughout the following paragraphs.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
justifications why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
accept their situations is the best way, even the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things as same as insufficiency of money. As a
first
point,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that it is too late to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
their problems,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not stable financial parent statement which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them have
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun choices is countable.
less
choices. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
illustration is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
graduate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is difficult to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
positions in their jobs. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can do the best of their abilities
instead
and aim to work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the deposit for in future plans.

According to the other perspective, supporters opine that there are other options could be better
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the improvement brings out the several advantages
subsequently
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
standard in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, whether society or personality.
For instance
, higher salary
mostly
is being managers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
who can know they need to collect the working experience and graduate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
degree for being effective ability. This action contributes to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
results of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
attempts.

In conclusion
, even through certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are satisfied
with their status even they are not, both of statements
still
are the controversial discussion with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
demand improving. In my point of view, I
totally
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or abilities which lead to the higher salary as same as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
position
obviously
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay Nowadays many young people are often spending their free time in a shopping center. This has a negative effect on the youth and the society with this statement? Give your opinion and relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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