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Children rely too much on the technology, like computers, smart phones, video games for fun and entertainment. Playing simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for children's development. v.1

Children rely too much on the technology, like computers, smart phones, video games for fun and entertainment. Playing simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for children's development. v. 1
In today’s contemporary world, population is growing significantly and has caused several problems consequently. Some opine that overpopulation and increasing urban centres are the principal reason for abating scenic natural places. This essay will highlight some advantages of conserving such natural sites and also will explain some methods to reduce such hazards. To begin with, such natural spots are the main site of tourist attractions. In other words, Eco tourism has gained popularity in recent years because of which most visitors travel to other countries to observe the nature and wildlife included with it and ultimately aids in the emerging economy of the country. In Nepal, Chitwan National Park was established in 1990 and each year around 30, 000 tourists visit that place which has escalated the tourism economy to a great extent. Furthermore, preserving such places also supports in maintaining the ecosystem and certainly the biodiversity of the world. Much of the wildlife animal habitat in nature and destroying those places means destruction of their home and consequently causing extinction of endangered animals. Snow leopard in Himalayas of Nepal is extinct now because of increased population and establishment of various buildings to anticipate facilities to meet their demand as stated by Nepal Wildlife and Animal Centre in 2018. Nonetheless, the aforesaid issue could be solved with the help of government by implying strict laws to deter population growth as well as the establishment of the city centre. Rewards must be given to those with little children such free education and allowances to mitigate the problem of overpopulation.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s contemporary world, population is growing
significantly
and has caused several problems
consequently
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opine that overpopulation and increasing urban
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
are the principal reason for abating scenic natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. This essay will highlight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages of conserving such natural sites and
also
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
methods to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
such hazards.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, such natural spots are the main site of tourist attractions.
In other words
, Eco tourism has gained popularity in recent years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of which most visitors travel to other countries to observe the nature and wildlife included with it and
ultimately
aids in the emerging economy of the country. In Nepal,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chitwan
National Park
was established
in 1990 and each year around 30, 000 tourists visit that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
which has escalated the tourism economy to a great extent.

Furthermore
, preserving such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
also
supports in maintaining the ecosystem and
certainly
the biodiversity of the world. Much of the wildlife animal habitat in nature and destroying those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
means destruction of their home and
consequently
causing extinction of endangered animals. Snow leopard
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Himalayas".
in Himalayas
of Nepal is extinct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of increased population and establishment of various buildings to anticipate facilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their demand as stated by Nepal Wildlife and Animal
Possible spelling mistake. 'Centre' is British English.
Centre
in 2018.

Nonetheless, the aforesaid issue could
be solved
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
by implying strict laws to deter population growth
as well
as the establishment of the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
. Rewards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to those with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
children such free education and allowances to mitigate the problem of overpopulation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Children rely too much on the technology, like computers, smart phones, video games for fun and entertainment. Playing simpler toys or playing outside with friends would be better for children's development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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