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Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What is the reason for this? it is a negative or positive development. v.1

Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What is the reason for this? it is a negative or positive development. v. 1
In the past, youngsters used to spend their free time playing outside in the fresh air, whereas in this day and age, they tend to be glued to their gadgets every waking moment. Urbanization and modernization have replaced outdoor games with indoor games. I strongly agree that this is a negative development that affects the physical and mental development of the children. Urbanization has eliminated public playgrounds from cities and towns. Thanks to the development of all those housing complexes and shopping centres, the cities have become more congested than ever, leaving no room for the little ones o enjoy outdoor games like cricket or football. Since playing such sports in narrow streets cause disturbance to apartment dwellers, parents are forced to keep their children indoors. A recent study found that children residing in urban areas are less interested in playing outside than the ones in rural areas. Due to the high cell phone and tablet engagement, their intellectual and physical abilities are hugely getting affected. Sitting in front of a computer or a gaming console for hours can affect the eyesight of the children and make them obese. Studies have shown that physical activities help the development of cognitive abilities like decision making and problem solving. In conclusion, video games might keep children engaged for hours on end, but they do not help the overall development of the children. So I strongly believe that spending too much time on playing computer games can be extremely harmful for the upcoming generation.
In the past, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to spend their free time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outside in the fresh air, whereas in this day and age, they tend to
be glued
to their gadgets every waking moment. Urbanization and modernization have replaced outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
with indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
that affects the physical and mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the children.

Urbanization has eliminated public playgrounds from cities and towns. Thanks to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of all those housing complexes and shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
, the cities have become more congested than ever, leaving no room for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
o enjoy outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
like cricket or football. Since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
such sports in narrow streets cause disturbance to apartment dwellers, parents
are forced
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
indoors. A recent study found that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
residing in urban areas are less interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
outside than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
in rural areas.

Due to the high cell phone and tablet engagement, their intellectual and physical abilities are
hugely
getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
. Sitting in front of a computer or a gaming console for hours can affect the eyesight of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them obese. Studies have shown that physical activities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of cognitive abilities like
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
decision making
and problem solving.

In conclusion
, video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
engaged for hours on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
overall
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
strongly
believe that spending too much time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be
extremely
harmful for the upcoming generation.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports. What is the reason for this? it is a negative or positive development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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