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Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports What are the reasons for this Is it a positive or a negative development v.1

Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports What are the reasons for this Is it a positive or a negative development v. 1
Nowadays, many people abandon things or products easily when they are broken. However, in the old days, everyone tried his best to fix things as he could. In the following paragraphs, there are reasons to examine this issue in depth. The main reason for people don not try to repair damage things is that buying new products is cheaper than repairing the old ones. Take clothes, for example. Youth now is getting used to buy dresses, pants, and T-shirts at certain fast fashion stores, such as Zara and Uniqlo. By this way, each new one costs less than five hundred NT dollars. However, sending an old damaged one to fix is much more expensive than having a new one. Therefore, form such example, it demonstrates that while the fees for repairing is more expensive than purchasing a modern one. People won't hesitate to abandon the ancient goods. Another reason for people to give up damaged goods easily is that technology is changing everyday. For instance, Apple company announces new version of iPhones every year. Hence, it does not make sense if you want to keep the ancient iPhones, since it might can't catch up trends. Consequently, it can be said that high tech has influenced people that how they treat their broken belongings. To conclude, there is not to say that all the old, damaged things are totally without merit. Teenagers used to learn that how to cherish not only goods but also relationships from fixing them. Nevertheless, it's hard for the younger now to know about appreciate. In general, I think these are the influences that how the alters affect the society in attitude.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
abandon things or products
easily
when they
are broken
.
However
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
days, everyone tried his best to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
things as he could. In the following paragraphs, there are reasons to examine this issue in depth.

The main reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Did you mean "do not"?
don not
try to repair damage things is that buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
products is cheaper than repairing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
ones. Take clothes,
for example
. Youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
is getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
dresses, pants, and T-shirts at certain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
fashion stores, such as Zara and Uniqlo. By this way, each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one costs less than five hundred NT dollars.
However
, sending an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
damaged one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
is much more expensive than having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one.
Therefore
, form such example, it demonstrates that while the fees for repairing is more expensive than purchasing a modern one.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
won't hesitate to abandon the ancient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
.

Another reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to give up damaged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
easily
is that technology is changing
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
.
For instance
, Apple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
announces
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
version of iPhones every year.
Hence
, it does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sense if you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the ancient iPhones, since it
Two modal verbs connected. Did you mean: "might, can", "might" or "can"?
might can
't catch up trends.
Consequently
, it can
be said
that high tech has influenced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that how they treat their broken belongings.

To conclude
, there is not to say that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, damaged things are
totally
without merit.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to learn that how to cherish not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
relationships from fixing them.
Nevertheless
, it's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the younger
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
to know about appreciate.
In general
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
these are the influences that how the alters affect the society in attitude.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children mostly spend time playing computer games rather than sports What are the reasons for this Is it a positive or a negative development v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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