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Nowadays children mostly spend their time playing computer games rather than sports. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development. v.1

Nowadays children mostly spend their time playing computer games rather than sports. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development. v. 1
Nowadays, where both parents are working have a challenging task of raising their kids, although, some folks think that women played an important role in raising her kids as compared to the men but some claim that man are also as well as a mother. In this essay, I will discuss my opinion regarding the responsibilities of parents. As Everything changes with the passage of time is a very common phrase and this is rightly applicable in our society. As In the older time, women are forced to confined to the walls of her house and are not allowed to study, but men were only the bread earner for their families and they wanted women to do the household chores only, but now, the scenario has been totally changed as, husband supports their wife in all streams and make them independent women by allowing them to do the work because In today's world women are also becoming the backbone of their home. For instance, it has been observed from the recent survey, that in older times the economy of the country was only depend on the men's work, but now the graph shows that women also contribute to the economy of the nation. According to my point of view, I considered women as the best parent because she plays an important part in raising her children in spite of a working woman, she performed her both duties very well, but On the other side, a plethora of people also helped their better half in raising their child by helping them in doing household chores and get the kids ready for the school in the child but according to my perception, women played a major role. For instance, It has been observed that kids are closer to their mother because she plays an important part in raising them. To conclude, men and women both play an important role in raising their kids but women has to do more efforts than men.
Nowadays, where both parents are working have a challenging task of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
folks
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
played an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
as compared to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
claim that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
are
also
as well
as a mother. In this essay, I will discuss my opinion regarding the responsibilities of parents.

As Everything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
with the passage of time is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common phrase and this is
rightly
applicable in our society. As In the older time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are forced
to
Did you mean "confine"?
confined
to the walls of her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to study,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the bread earner for their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
families and
they wanted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to do the household chores
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, the scenario has been
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
as, husband supports their wife in all streams and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
by allowing them to do the work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
are
also
becoming the backbone of their home.
For instance
, it has
been observed
from the recent survey, that in older times the economy of the country was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
's work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
also
contribute to the economy of the nation.

According to my point of view, I considered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
as the best parent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she plays an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
her children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
a working woman, she performed her both duties
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
On the other side, a plethora of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
their better half in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
their child by helping them in doing household chores and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
ready for the school in the child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
according to my perception,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
played a major role.
For instance
, It has
been observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are closer to their mother
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
she plays an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
them.

To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
both play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do more efforts than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Nowadays children mostly spend their time playing computer games rather than sports. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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