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If a friend from another country visited your home, what food would you prepare? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v.1

If a friend from another country visited your home, what food would you prepare? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 1
Achieving in fun games is depending upon an individual effort and entire team hard work. Some people suggest that the physical strength is very important for accomplishing the games. Some opposed that mental power is more required for a human to win the game. The following paragraphs will discuss both view comprehensively. To begin with, the physical health of the individual should probably check in every game to know the somebody health status before entering into the activity. Moreover, If the body is weak in their physical toughness, there will be harder for him to success in game. For example, the person who participates in the marathon has to have some energy to compete with an opposite candidate if not there would be harder for him to accomplish the activity. On the contrary, most people might think it is very essential for the participant to be in strong mind especially while playing the game. Furthermore, If the person loses their concentration on game definitely it will be harder for him to complete the game with ease. For instance, last year, I had participated in my college sports day activities, so I played baseball ball, but unfortunately, I could not put a single goal in the basket, the major issues are, I was not concentrating on my teammate's ideas, although we won matches in teammate coordination while playing everyone was manipulating the other character thought so this could lead us to win the game. In conclusion, the physical stability is important for every individual to be active and energetic, although the mental toughness is essential for everyone to have a strong mind and confidence to achieve victory. In my opinion, I would say mental strength is far more important than physical vitality particularly to accomplish gamer.
Achieving in fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
The verb 'depending' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is depending
upon an individual effort and entire team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
suggest that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
strength is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for accomplishing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
opposed that mental power is more required for a human to win the game. The following paragraphs will discuss both view
comprehensively
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
health of the individual should
probably
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
in every game to know the somebody health status
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
entering into the activity.
Moreover
, If the body is weak in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
toughness, there will be harder for him to success in game.
For example
, the person who participates in the marathon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
energy to compete with an opposite candidate if not there would be harder for him to accomplish the activity.

On the contrary
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential for the participant to be in strong mind
especially
while playing the game.
Furthermore
, If the person loses their concentration on game definitely it will be harder for him to complete the game with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
.
For instance
, last year, I had participated in my college sports day activities,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I played baseball ball,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately, I could not put a single goal in the basket, the major issues are, I was not concentrating on my teammate's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, although we won matches in teammate coordination while playing everyone was manipulating the other character
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this could lead us to win the game.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
stability is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for every individual to be active and energetic, although the mental toughness is essential for everyone to have a strong mind and confidence to achieve victory. In my opinion, I would say mental strength is far more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
vitality
particularly
to accomplish gamer.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If a friend from another country visited your home, what food would you prepare? Use specific reasons to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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