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Nowadays children are experiencing too much educational and social pressure. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to reduce the pressure? v.1

Nowadays children are experiencing too much educational and social pressure. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to reduce the pressure? v. 1
Different people deal with children differently. A group of people think that, while growing up it is necessary for kids to go out and be part of different teams of sports, music, etc. Others believe that they should spend this time alone. While the latter type of kids will be more independent and able to take decisions singularly, others will learn the skill of communication and habit of sharing. This essay shall discuss both these arguments in detail. One of the main benefits of allowing teenagers to choose their hobbies and spend time in isolation is that they become better decision makers as adults. They think through what they want in life considering all the pros and cons of it. For example, a child who has the talent of drawing when left in his room will automatically start drawing. He will strive for improvement each day and by adulthood be a good artist. Furthermore, this child will throughout his life, take initiative and do things on his own without relying on people. On the contrary, being part of a team is necessary for reasons like, it teaches you how to communicate with people from different backgrounds and mindsets. They will know how to take everyone together in life. An example of this is, a school football team captain shall learn how to keep everyone motivated, resolve issues and keep the team together. These skills in practical life will make him a better family member, a dearer friend and more responsible part of the society. In conclusion, careful upbringing of kids is very important. Some parents feel that their children should be part of more team events while others want them stay individually. In my opinion, parents should see nature of their boy or girl and decide. If they find teams more fun to be with, then encourage them for it otherwise there is no harm to do things in isolation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
deal with children
differently
. A group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, while growing up it is necessary for kids to go out and be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
of sports, music, etc. Others believe that they should spend this time alone. While the latter type of kids will be more independent and able to take decisions
singularly
, others will learn the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
of communication and habit of sharing. This essay shall discuss both these arguments in detail.

One of the main benefits of allowing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to choose their hobbies and spend time in isolation is that they become better decision makers as adults. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
through what they want in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
considering all the pros and cons of it.
For example
, a child who has the talent of drawing when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
in his room will
automatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
drawing. He will strive for improvement each day and by adulthood be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
artist.
Furthermore
, this child will throughout his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, take initiative and do things on his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
without relying on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the contrary
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
is necessary for reasons like, it teaches you how to communicate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds and mindsets. They will know how to take everyone together in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. An example of this is, a school football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
captain shall learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
everyone motivated, resolve issues and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
together. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
him a better family member, a dearer friend and more responsible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of the society.

In conclusion
, careful upbringing of kids is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents feel that their children should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
of more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
team
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
while others want them stay
individually
. In my opinion, parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
nature of their boy or girl and decide. If they find
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teams
more fun to be with, then encourage them for it
otherwise
there is no harm to do things in isolation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay Nowadays children are experiencing too much educational and social pressure. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to reduce the pressure? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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