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Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that we have a very sedentary lifestyle. To what extend do you agree or disagree. v.1

Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that we have a very sedentary lifestyle. v. 1
The modes of transmitting and proving data are many and each one of them has various positive and negative aspects. The essay will weigh in on books, film and tv. Though all mediums can successfully share important events and news, in my opinion, tv is the most adequate source. Books, the primitive mode of transmission, can provide all the relevant details and references of any material unlike other sources. Moreover, it attracts educated fraternity which chooses to get news by reading, however, the major shortcoming of books is that in the current era, youth prefers visual sources over reading. One more disadvantage of books is that it is not capable of providing motion pictures. On the other hand, films capitalize the shortcoming by cinematising the current affairs and issues of the society that not only attracts the younger generation, but also transmit inspiring lessons to the community. However, it does not deliver its message to all fractions of society because movies and cinema are not accessible to everyone. Another drawback of films is that it cannot be considered a medium of instant communication of important events. In other words, any political development cannot be shown in a cinema on the same day of occurrence. With regards to television, it has become the medium of instant communication. TV conveys news with visual aids along with live clips of important events, consequently, becoming a source of attraction for all age groups, including the youth. Another positive aspect of television is that within a limited time frame, it is able to provide a vast range and variety of material, therefore, saving people’s time. Despite the advantages, information provided by television is not always correct. It has been seen that news channel focus on information that can be sold easily while compromising on its accuracy. In conclusion, every media of communication has its positives and negatives. Though films and books are reliable sources of information, tv with its live coverage and instant transmission comes out to be the most suitable source in the existing era.
The modes of transmitting and proving data are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
and each one of them has various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects. The essay will weigh in on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, film and
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
. Though all mediums can
successfully
share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
, in my opinion,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
is the most adequate source.

Books, the primitive mode of transmission, can provide all the relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and references of any material unlike other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
.
Moreover
, it attracts educated fraternity which chooses to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
by reading,
however
, the major shortcoming of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is that in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
era, youth prefers visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
over reading. One more disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is that it is not capable of providing motion pictures.

On the other hand
, films capitalize the shortcoming by
Possible spelling mistake found.
cinematising
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs and issues of the society that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
attracts the younger generation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
transmit inspiring lessons to the community.
However
, it does not deliver its message to all fractions of society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
movies and cinema are not accessible to everyone. Another drawback of films is that it cannot
be considered
a medium of instant communication of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
.
In other words
, any political development cannot
be shown
in a cinema on the same day of occurrence.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
television, it has become the medium of instant communication. TV conveys
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
with visual aids along with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
clips of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
,
consequently
, becoming a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
of attraction for all age groups, including the youth. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspect of television is that within a limited time frame, it is able to provide a vast range and variety of material,
therefore
, saving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s time. Despite the advantages, information provided by television is not always correct. It has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channel focus on information that can
be sold
easily
while compromising on its accuracy.

In conclusion
, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "medium"?
media
of communication has its positives and negatives. Though films and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sources
of information,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
coverage and instant transmission
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
out to be the most suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
source
in the existing era.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many of the medical problems that people are experiencing in today's world are due to the fact that we have a very sedentary lifestyle. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
341 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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