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Nowadays children are experiencing increased educational, social, and commercial pressure. What is the cause of this effect? What is a solution to reduce the pressure? v.2

Nowadays children are experiencing increased educational, social, and commercial pressure. What is the cause of this effect? What is a solution to reduce the pressure? v. 2
There are those who think that protecting surroundings is the responsibility of individuals. While some feel that the government has the pivotal duty in this. To me, both points need to come together due to their each importances. On the one hand, it is not undeniable that conserving the neighbourhood is a matter that everyone should concern about. The reason is, the environment is built by its people, if they want it to be clean and tidy, they have to make efforts to protect it; otherwise it will be a mess with the big problems. For instance, according to a study, India has seen the dirtiest country in the world. It is the result of the lack of residents's awareness about maintaining their neighbourhood. People seem to think that it does not matter to litter due to not realise the value of the environment. It could be seen that cleanliness of the surroundings depends on individuals' act. Therefore, they need to have an equal responsibility as the government On the other palm, government plays a significant role in sustaining the environment. As an authority, government could frame suitable policies that influence positively to people's acts in preserving surroundings. They can create stricter laws to cut down the number of litters, or encourage factories changing their location from urban areas to rural zones for decreasing the damaged effects of the polluted air, so on. For example, it is not an obvious thing for Singapore to become the cleanest nation in the world. With the strict law of environmental protection of authority (fine up to $1000 for smoking in public places, $300 for littering small items in the first time, etc. ). Thus, each citizen compels to do that as a duty and obligation. With regards to environmental issues, I reckon that the duty of government and residents should work hand in hand in order to maintain and preserve our Mother nature as much as possible.
There are those who
think
that protecting surroundings is the responsibility of individuals.
While
some
feel that the
government
has the pivotal duty in this. To me, both points need to
come
together due to their each
importances
.

On the one hand, it is not undeniable that conserving the
neighbourhood
is a matter that everyone should concern about. The reason is, the environment
is built
by its
people
, if they want it to be clean and tidy, they
have to
make
efforts to protect it;
otherwise
it will be a mess with the
big
problems.
For instance
, according to a study, India has
seen
the dirtiest country in the world. It is the result of the lack of
residents's
awareness about maintaining their
neighbourhood
.
People
seem to
think
that it does not matter to litter due to not
realise
the value of the environment. It could be
seen
that cleanliness of the surroundings depends on individuals' act.
Therefore
, they need to have an equal responsibility as the
government


On the other palm,
government
plays a significant role in sustaining the environment. As an authority,
government
could frame suitable policies that influence
positively
to
people
's acts in preserving surroundings. They can create stricter laws to
cut
down the number of litters, or encourage factories changing their location from urban areas to rural zones for decreasing the damaged effects of the polluted air,
so
on.
For example
, it is not an obvious thing for Singapore to become the cleanest nation in the world. With the strict law of environmental protection of authority (fine up to $1000 for smoking in public places, $300 for littering
small
items in the
first
time, etc.
)
.
Thus
, each citizen compels to do that as a duty and obligation.

With regards to
environmental issues, I reckon that the duty of
government
and residents should work
hand in hand in
order to maintain and preserve our Mother nature as much as possible.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays children are experiencing increased educational, social, and commercial pressure. What is the cause of this effect? What is a solution to reduce the pressure? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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