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Nowadays children are experiencing increased educational, social and commercial pressure. What are the reasons for this? What is a solution to reduce the pressure? v.1

Nowadays children are experiencing increased educational, social and commercial pressure. What are the reasons for this? What is a solution to reduce the pressure? v. 1
Nowadays, many world wide organizations are providing financial assistance to developing countries. However, a group of people advocates that financial support is required but some technical help would be more useful. This essay will discuss both the view points before arriving at a conclusion. There are several reasons why monetary help is beneficial for developing nations. Firstly, many emergent countries are struggling with the problems related to basic infrastructure like roads, railways and public transportation. Therefore, they need financial support from external bodies to complete unfinished projects and also to launch new ones. Secondly, a number of developing and undeveloped countries are not able to provide basic facilities to their citizens. For example, millions of people living in poor countries still do not have access to food, water or sanitation. In order to provide these basic requirements, the government needs funds from international companies. For instance, according to a report submitted by WHO, 88 percent of developing nations are taking advantage of financial support provided by the World Bank. As a result, billions of people from across the world are able to get access to basic facilities. However, financial aid alone will not help. Developing nations also need logistical support and advice. It has been observed that the money sanctioned by world agencies for development is not always utilized for the right purpose. Instead, it is used by corrupt politicians to serve their interests. Therefore, many developing nations are facing issues like corruption, scams etc. It would be quite helpful if they can also get some practical support and advice to boost their economy. In conclusion, international organizations should help developing countries grow by providing financial support. However, in my opinion, it is equally important to provide some practical advice as it will help them overcome their problems.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Did you mean "worldwide"?
world wide
organizations are providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
assistance to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, a group of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
advocates that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
is required
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
would be more useful. This essay will discuss both the view points
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arriving at a conclusion.

There are several reasons why monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
emergent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are struggling with the problems related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
infrastructure like roads, railways and public transportation.
Therefore
, they need
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from external bodies to complete unfinished projects and
also
to launch new ones.
Secondly
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
and undeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are not able to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
facilities to their citizens.
For example
, millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
living in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
still
do not have access to food, water or sanitation.

In order to provide these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
requirements, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
needs funds from international
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.
For instance
, according to a report submitted by
Did you mean "whom"?
WHO
, 88 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are taking advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
provided by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
Bank.
As a result
, billions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from across the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
basic
facilities.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
aid alone will not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
also
need logistical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and advice. It has
been observed
that the money sanctioned by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
agencies for development is not always utilized for the right purpose.
Instead
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by corrupt politicians to serve their interests.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
are facing issues like corruption, scams etc. It would be quite helpful if they can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
and advice to boost their economy.

In conclusion
, international organizations should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
grow by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
.
However
, in my opinion, it is
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical advice as it will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them overcome their problems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Nowadays children are experiencing increased educational, social and commercial pressure. What are the reasons for this? What is a solution to reduce the pressure? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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