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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.3

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. with this statement? v. 3
Hollywood and other film industries across the globe are quite famous and the artists who work in these industries somehow represent an as lousy role model for youngsters. While I agree that youngsters do not get to learn proper life lessons from these film stars, there are some successful people in the film industry who are skilled and inspired many people. However, there are many reasons why movie stars are a lousy role model for young people. Firstly, these superstars wear expensive brand clothes, which symbolize the success in the form of money and even they show off through social media; which in result has a bad influence on children as they follow these Hollywood actors closely and apt their lifestyle. For example: nowadays teenagers started to spend parents money on the branded clothes, and they waste their time on social media to grab more followers to increase their popularity because they think that being famous on social apps is a success. Furthermore, these youngsters focus more on social media instead of real life, that means they change their life goal; therefore, celebrities distracting them from their career goals and spoiling their future. On the other hand, there are a few celebrities who can set good motivator for young people. These artists gain their success in the industry because of excellent acting skill, communication skills, etc. whereas other actors brought up from the wealthy families and they have not struggled in the industry. For example; Jackie Chan is the well-known movie star as he struggled in his life to gain a superstar reputation in the film industry as well as he knows martial art and he is post graduated. These actors can undoubtedly motivate the young generations if they follow their life story and their activities on the internet or social media. In conclusion, artists can be wrong as well as a good influence on teenagers, but it all depends on the young people whom they like and follow.
Hollywood and other film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
across the globe are quite
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
and the artists who work in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
somehow represent an as lousy role model for youngsters. While I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that youngsters do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to learn proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
lessons from these film stars, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
who
are skilled
and inspired
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why movie stars are a lousy role model for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, these superstars wear expensive brand clothes, which symbolize the success in the form of money and even they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media; which in result has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on children as they follow these Hollywood actors
closely
and apt their lifestyle.
For example
: nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to spend parents money on the branded clothes, and they waste their time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media to grab more followers to increase their popularity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
apps is a success.
Furthermore
, these youngsters focus more on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media
instead
of real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, that means they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
goal;
therefore
, celebrities distracting them from their career goals and spoiling their future.

On the other hand
, there are a few celebrities who can set
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
motivator for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. These artists gain their success in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of excellent acting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, etc. whereas other actors brought up from the wealthy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
families and
they have not struggled in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
.
For example
; Jackie Chan is the well-known movie star as he struggled in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to gain a superstar reputation in the film
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
as well
as he knows martial
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
art and
he is post graduated. These actors can
undoubtedly
motivate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations if they follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
story and their activities on the internet or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media.

In conclusion
, artists can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
as well
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
influence on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it all depends on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
whom they like and follow.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. with this statement? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
329 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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