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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.12

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. v. 12
At the present time, famous people are more popular for their charm and prosperity than their hard work, which portraits a negative example for the youngsters. This essay agrees with the aforementioned statement. This essay will first, discuss, that youngsters are more attracted to their style and thus undertake harmful activities and further, outline that they follow their bad habits and lifestyle and thus grasp bad habits which spoil their lives. It is clear that young people are mesmerised by the style and physical appearance of movie actors and take steps to adopt their style. This is to say, youngsters get involved in rigorous exercise, strict dieting and having steroids, which will help them to get the physique similar to the actors and actresses, which eventually has a negative effect on their body and health. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The Times showed that more than 80 percent of young adults suffer from some physical problems as they involve in detrimental activities in order to adopt their style. Apart from this, young people are magnetized with the lifestyle and parties for the famous people and try to adopt all their negative habits and behaviours which hampers their overall personality. In other words, young people have an opinion that in order to live their life as famous people they follow their footpaths, thus develop habits of drinking, smoking and illegal drugs. As a result, they are not able to build a successful career. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The Times of India found that more than 60 percent of young adults become addicted to drugs and alcohol by copying famous people. To conclude, the drawbacks of celebrities becoming popular because of their glamorous lifestyle and wealth on young people is that they not only undertake harmful steps to enhance their beauty and physical appearance but also copy their bad habits and behaviours, eventually destroying their lives
At the present time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more popular for their charm and prosperity than their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, which portraits a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
example for the youngsters. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with the aforementioned statement. This essay will
first
, discuss, that youngsters are more attracted to their style and
thus
undertake harmful activities and
further
, outline that they follow their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and lifestyle and
thus
grasp
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
which spoil their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
Possible spelling mistake. 'mesmerised' is British English.
mesmerised
by the style and physical appearance of movie actors and take steps to adopt their style. This is to say, youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in rigorous exercise, strict dieting and having steroids, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the physique similar to the actors and actresses, which
eventually
has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on their body and health. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by The Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that more than 80 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
physical problems as they involve in detrimental activities in order to adopt their style.

Apart from this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are magnetized
with the lifestyle and parties for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and try to adopt all their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
which hampers their
overall
personality.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an opinion that in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
they follow their footpaths,
thus
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
of drinking, smoking and illegal drugs.
As a result
, they are not able to build a successful career. To exemplify, a recent study conducted by The Times of India found that more than 60 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
adults become addicted to drugs and alcohol by copying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
, the drawbacks of celebrities becoming popular
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their glamorous lifestyle and wealth on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that they not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
undertake harmful steps to enhance their beauty and physical appearance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
copy their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
habits
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
,
eventually
destroying their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements and this sets a bad example to the young people. v. 12

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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