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Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effects on children. v.1

Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effects on children. v. 1
In today's world, every individual is captivated by the glamour and people associated with it are highly praised everywhere. Thus, the media have created a celebrity-driven environment in which the children start to fixate on famous personalities from an early age. Many journalists opine that inordinate coverage of celebrities puts the negative impact on juvenile's lives. To a certain extent, I agree with this phenomenon because there are several reasons for it and will outline my views justifying my opinion. To embark upon the given affirmation, one of the primary reasons is that youngsters love their favourite stars, and they mimic and absorb the image shows by their favourite stars in a series and commercial. As a result, young people indulging in disruptive activities such as drinking, smoking, consumption of drugs, crime and so on. For Instance, Sanjay Dutt, a Bollywood actor, is well-known for his role as a villain, his acting as a gangster in many fils has risen violence and crime in India. All these were committed by adolescents for thrill and adventure. Secondly, another problem caused by this obsession with celebrities is that they make young people feel inferior. For example, most of the famous personalities are known for their hedonistic and extravagant lifestyle. Hence, children get attracted by their ostentatious display of wealth and spend a lot of money to buy impulse products which they do not need it. Sometimes these teenagers commit a crime to fulfil their desire. However, many famous people are known for their performances and accomplishments such as Sachin Tendulkar, a sportsman. The success story of this kind of personalities becomes the inspiration for the young individual of society. The inspired kid can display their skills and abilities to achieve desirable goals. In a nutshell, celebrity-driven environment harms naive and gullible children but not the children with critical thinking. We cannot stop young people totally to follow their favourite stars but we can educate them to understand what is right and what is wrong.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world, every individual
is captivated
by the glamour and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
associated with it are
highly
praised everywhere.
Thus
, the media have created a celebrity-driven environment in which the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to fixate on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities from an early age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
journalists opine that inordinate coverage of celebrities puts the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on juvenile's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. To a certain extent, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this phenomenon
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are several reasons for it and will outline my views justifying my opinion.

To embark upon the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
affirmation, one of the primary reasons is that youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
stars, and they mimic and absorb the image
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
by their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
stars in a series and commercial.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
indulging in disruptive activities such as drinking, smoking, consumption of drugs, crime and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
For Instance
, Sanjay
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dutt
, a Bollywood actor, is well-known for his role as a villain, his acting as a gangster in
Possible agreement error. The noun fils seems to be countable; consider using: "many filses".
many fils
has risen violence and crime in India. All these
were committed
by adolescents for thrill and adventure.

Secondly
, another problem caused by this obsession with celebrities is that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel inferior.
For example
, most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities
are known
for their hedonistic and extravagant lifestyle.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted by their ostentatious display of wealth and spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
impulse products which they do not need it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
commit a crime to fulfil their desire.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are known
for their performances and accomplishments such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, a sportsman. The success story of this kind of personalities becomes the inspiration for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individual of society. The inspired kid can display their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and abilities to achieve desirable goals.

In a nutshell, celebrity-driven environment harms naive and gullible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with critical thinking. We cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
totally
to follow their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
stars
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we can educate them to understand what is right and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people believe that media coverage of celebrities is having a negative effects on children. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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