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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.10

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. with this statement? v. 10
These days, celebrities are giving a bad example to youngsters. But what is the most effective method for dealing with increase famous for their attractiveness and wealth? Some people believe that they need the success of ambitious about their achievement. In my view, I will agree and support my opinion with examples. First of all, peoples are using cinema with glamour to attending functions like marriages, birthdays, some special tours, etc. Presently, as a normal man and woman also able to develop a situation for getting health problems to occur in life. For example, youth is more using products of cosmetics to damage skin at certain a period why people do not know about the problem occurs in the glamour but, there are thinking of money. Secondly, there are not creating knowledge about their achievements of the life. Parents tell about the values of the society in every situation from juvenile. For instance, students need to improve skills in their studies as per a good impression for all among college people about moral values and ethics. Moreover, The teacher needs to know what are weeks in the personality to tell for reducing than increase your ideas. In conclusion, although it is a common belief that many peoples are more famous for their magic and money. Do not think about their achievement are taking wrong examples to adolescent. I believe that problem getting through cosmetics of daily life. I think moral values and ethics are important for people than wealth and suggestions.
These days, celebrities are giving a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example to youngsters.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what is the most effective method for dealing with increase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for their attractiveness and wealth?
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that they need the success of ambitious about their achievement. In my view, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
and support my opinion with examples.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
are using cinema with glamour to attending functions like marriages, birthdays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
special tours, etc.
Presently
, as a normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
and woman
also
able to develop a situation for getting health problems to occur in life.
For example
, youth is more using products of cosmetics to damage skin at certain a period why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not know about the problem occurs in the glamour
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, there are thinking of money.

Secondly
, there are not creating knowledge about their achievements of the life. Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about the values of the society in every situation from juvenile.
For instance
, students need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in their studies as per a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impression for all among college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about moral values and ethics.
Moreover
, The teacher needs to know what are weeks in the personality to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
for reducing than increase your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
.

In conclusion
, although it is a common belief that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peoples
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for their magic and money. Do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about their achievement are taking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
examples to adolescent. I believe that problem getting through cosmetics of daily life. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
moral values and ethics are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
than wealth and suggestions.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
6Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. with this statement? v. 10

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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