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Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievement and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.3

Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievement and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 3
It is seemed that most of the artists are being popular for their attraction and riches while it should be seen through their accomplishment, for giving a good figure to the adolescent. I partially agree with this statement which I will explain in this following paragraph. On the one hand, in this contemporary world, there are various sophisticated things such as gadget which could affect the immature persons through its widespread information of entertainment. This will reflect unpleasant sample for them, since, some news is usually informing unsuitable matter for their age. Thuss, they know that how to be a famous is only by performing their charming and wealth that is truly wrong idea. As an entertainer, many aspects that should be considered properly to perform their talent, for instance, receiving a reward annually for their best acting could motivate younger to effort their future. Besides, they also could be having a right attitude by giving a donation to either reform or charitable institution. On the other hand, although they have a great emission, it is better to spend it for the philanthropy instead of private necessity. However, conversely, some artists are likely to show their wealth through their glamour and branded accessories, items and accomodation in some cases. As a result, this will lead to the controversial issues among society and impact to the discrepancy social. The probability is that their figure is on the top which will be easily affecting most people especially to the teenagers. Whereas, they should have a proper mind as well as best public figure to build a great concept for their next steps to reach their dream. This can not be assured that the celebrities could give a good example for them. By way of conclusion, it is true that showing a good behaviour is pivotal things for the youthful to be a good individual. From my viewpoint, it is most agreeable to the entertainment company for leading the artists to be more polite and altruistically in front of the public due to the uncontrollable emotional of younger.
It
is seemed
that most of the artists are being popular for their attraction and riches while it should be
seen
through their accomplishment, for giving a
good
figure to the adolescent. I
partially
agree
with this statement which I will
explain
in this following paragraph.

On the one hand, in this contemporary world, there are various sophisticated things such as gadget which could affect the immature persons through its widespread information of entertainment. This will reflect unpleasant sample for them, since,
some
news is
usually
informing unsuitable matter for their age.
Thuss
, they know that how to be a
famous
is
only
by performing their charming and wealth
that is
truly
wrong
idea
. As an entertainer,
many
aspects that should
be considered
properly
to perform their talent,
for instance
, receiving a reward
annually
for their best acting could motivate younger to effort their future.
Besides
, they
also
could be having a right attitude by giving a donation to either reform or charitable institution.

On the other hand
, although they have a great emission, it is better to
spend it for
the philanthropy
instead
of private necessity.
However
,
conversely
,
some
artists are likely to
show
their wealth through their glamour and branded accessories, items and
accomodation
in
some
cases.
As a result
, this will lead to the controversial issues among society and impact to the discrepancy social. The probability is that their figure is on the top which will be
easily
affecting most
people
especially
to the
teenagers
. Whereas, they should have a proper mind
as well
as best public figure to build a great concept for their
next
steps to reach their dream. This can not
be assured
that the celebrities could give a
good
example for them.

By way of conclusion, it is true that showing a
good
behaviour
is pivotal things for the youthful to be a
good
individual. From my viewpoint, it is most agreeable to the entertainment
company
for leading the artists to be more polite and
altruistically
in front of the public due to the uncontrollable emotional of younger.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievement and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
345 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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