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Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.7

Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. v. 7
Nowadays, in this contemporary world, the parents have a huge importance position to educate and to guide their child's growth, while others argue that there are several things outside of home which are also supporting their lives. In my viewpoint, the parents are always being pivotal to any child for all aspects. This essay will investigate both very topical debates before a rational conclusion. On the one hand, the proponents of the people who believe that other factors except parents such as gadgets, internet, friends and teachers are also remaining most essential for the kids. This can be seen through the change of children's interaction at a school or other areas than home. It is indisputable that there are also rendering an improvement of the child's character. In academic, for instance, they can learn any kind of formal education from the teachers. Besides, having friends is a chance to improve their communication skill. As a result, they would know how to socialize with others. Ultimately, they also need more information to encourage their insight to the internet through a gadget, since, it is worth to provide anything they would like to know. However, the opponents of other aspects replace parents' functional state that the family is truly becoming influential to the children's development. First and foremost, parents are everything for them, they always be ready to care, to support, to guide, to educate, to love without any retain. Unlike the other elements out of the home which are not free for them to get. This affection is a considerable value that never be found anywhere, and it is impossible to be a secondary. Moreover, we should highlight that all the outdoor components are not quite saved and good for them. Some of those things ought to be filtered properly without any mistake through the parents' education. For example, a friend who has bad behaviour or getting wrong information from online news. Thus, it should be unbelievable to develop the kid's character. By way of conclusion, although, the gadgets, teachers, friends and many others could affect the children's growth, it can lead to unpredictable problem. Therefore, it is significant to believe that parents will always give their best to them as much as they need.
Nowadays, in this contemporary world, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a huge importance position to educate and to guide their child's growth, while others argue that there are several things outside of home which are
also
supporting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. In my viewpoint, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are always being pivotal to any child for all aspects. This essay will investigate both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
topical debates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a rational conclusion.

On the one hand, the proponents of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors except
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
such as gadgets, internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and teachers are
also
remaining most essential for the kids. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
through the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of children's interaction at a school or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
areas than home. It is indisputable that there are
also
rendering an improvement of the child's character. In academic,
for instance
, they can learn any kind of formal education from the teachers.
Besides
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
is a chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
As a result
, they would know how to socialize with others.
Ultimately
, they
also
need more information to encourage their insight to the internet through a gadget, since, it is worth to provide anything they would like to know.

However
, the opponents of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects replace parents' functional state that the family is
truly
becoming influential to the children's development.
First
and foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are everything for them, they
The adverb 'always' is usually put after the verb 'be'.
always be
ready to care, to support, to guide, to educate, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
without any retain. Unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
elements out of the home which are not free for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
. This affection is a considerable value that never
be found
anywhere, and it is impossible to be a secondary.
Moreover
, we should highlight that all the outdoor components are not quite saved and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of those things ought to
be filtered
properly
without any mistake through the parents' education.
For example
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friend
who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
or getting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
information from online news.
Thus
, it should be unbelievable to develop the kid's character.

By way of conclusion, although, the gadgets, teachers,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others could affect the children's growth, it can lead to unpredictable problem.
Therefore
, it is significant to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will always give their best to them as much as they need.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people think that the main factors influencing a child’s development these days are things such as television, friends, and music. Others believe that the family still remains more important. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
374 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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