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Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievement and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievement and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 1
In today's media- focused world, celebrities are seen as a part of the modern society. While others argue that these this mega stars are renowned for their accomplishment I would have you that they are celebrated for their charisma and assets which creates a negative influence on the youths. Firstly, supporters of the idea that these icons are prominent for their success have one main reason for this statement. They believe that they are a source of inspiration to these youngsters because they share their personal life sacrifices to this group and instill confidence that they can be like them if they work hard. For example, a renowned rock star Sylvester Stallone shared his story in a school designed for children on how he was rejected several times and never gave up on his passion to sing andturned out to be the best rockstar in America. This gives a positive influence on their lifestyle. Nevertheless I do not believe this argument stand up to scrutiny. This is because these Mega Stars talk about substance abuse and take them like it is safe and have nothing to lose to illustrate the popular drug Xanax is widely used and spread among these people and strange and the students see it every day and take them as a result of these youngsters end up in rehabilitation centres and support group. Hence, creating a negative impact on the children and their lifestyle. In conclusion I would argue that these celebrities are widely known for their charisma and fortune which poses a negative influence and government should provide sanctions on the celebrities and their lifestyles.
In
today
's media- focused world, celebrities are
seen
as a part of the modern society. While others argue that these this mega stars
are renowned
for their accomplishment I would have you that they
are celebrated
for their charisma and assets which creates a
negative
influence on the youths.

Firstly
, supporters of the
idea
that these icons are prominent for their success have one main reason for this statement. They believe that they are a source of inspiration to these youngsters
because
they share their personal life sacrifices to this group and instill confidence that they can be like them if they work
hard
.
For example
, a renowned rock star Sylvester Stallone shared his story in a school designed for children on how he
was rejected
several times and never gave up on his passion to sing
andturned
out to be the best
rockstar
in America. This gives a
positive
influence on their lifestyle.

Nevertheless
I do not believe this argument stand up to scrutiny. This is
because
these Mega Stars talk about substance abuse and take them like it is safe and have nothing to lose to illustrate the popular drug Xanax is
widely
used
and spread among these
people
and strange and the students
see
it every day and take them
as a result
of these youngsters
end
up in rehabilitation
centres
and support group.
Hence
, creating a
negative
impact on the children and their lifestyle.

In
conclusion I
would argue that these celebrities are
widely
known for their charisma and fortune which poses a
negative
influence and
government
should provide sanctions on the celebrities and their lifestyles.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, celebrities are more famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievement and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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