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Last year many famous pop and sports stars earned millions of dollars each. Many other entertainment and sports personalities also have very high incomes. On the other hand, most people in ordinary professions like nurses, doctors and teachers earn only a small fraction of the incomes of these stars. What do you think about stars receiving very high salaries? IS IT fair that people with jobs that directly help people are paid much less? give reasons for your answer. v.2

Last year many famous pop and sports stars earned millions of dollars each. Many other entertainment and sports personalities also have very high incomes. On the other hand, most people in ordinary professions like nurses, doctors and teachers earn only a small fraction of the incomes of these stars. What do you think about stars receiving very high salaries? IS IT fair that people with jobs that directly help people are paid much less? v. 2
Eminent personalities related to sports and actors are often spotted carrying luxurious handbags, commuting in vintage vehicles, wearing expensive outfits. What is the secret behind such kind of living? The straight answer is handsome money, they earn in their professions. Conversely, doctors, engineers, teachers are receiving very less wages as compared to these stars. In my opinion, it is not appropriate due to plenty of reasons discussed below. As the image of movie stars is projected as of a hero on the screen people start loving and replicating them. But this is not the truth, as, a myriad of famous personalities consume sedative substances, use abusive languages, disrespect their parents. Renowned pop star Lady Gaga is the perfect example. She is always involved in controversies. Huge fan following is one of the prime reasons why these folks demand trillions of dollars for their contribution to the industry. Doctors are believed to be living Gods on earth as they treat people against various fatal ailments. But in return, they are underpaid. For an instance, my cousin who is a heart specialist earns only$5000 a month. On the contrary, even the spot boys or junior staff working in the glamour industry gets a very satisfying pay. It is the reason why people do not want to be involved in this profession which is quite discouraging. Earning good remuneration will Boost more individuals to make their career in the medical field. To conclude, it is not justified for the people who are serving the society to get low rewards and there must be regulatory system in which pay must be decided as per the criticality of the job and its contribution towards society, not merely in terms of popularity only we will be having medical help to treat humanity, tutor to impart education And lawyer to protect our citizen's rights in the coming future.
Eminent personalities related to sports and actors are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
spotted carrying luxurious handbags, commuting in vintage vehicles, wearing expensive outfits. What is the secret behind such kind of living? The straight answer is handsome money, they earn in their professions.
Conversely
, doctors, engineers, teachers are receiving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun wages is countable.
less
wages as compared to these stars. In my opinion, it is not appropriate due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of reasons discussed below.

As the image of movie stars
is projected
as of a hero on the screen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
loving and replicating them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this is not the truth, as, a myriad of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities consume sedative substances,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
abusive languages, disrespect their parents. Renowned pop star Lady Gaga is the perfect example. She is always involved in controversies. Huge fan following is one of the prime reasons why these folks demand trillions of dollars for their contribution to the industry.

Doctors
are believed
to be living Gods on earth as they treat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
against various fatal ailments.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in return, they are underpaid. For an instance, my cousin who is a heart specialist earns
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
$5000 a month.
On the contrary
, even the spot boys or junior staff working in the glamour industry
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
satisfying pay. It is the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to
be involved
in this profession which is quite discouraging. Earning
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
remuneration
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
will


Boost more individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their career in the medical field.

To conclude
, it is not justified for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are serving the society to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
low rewards and there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be regulatory system in which pay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be decided
as per the criticality of the job and its contribution towards society, not
merely
in terms of popularity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
we will be having medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to treat humanity, tutor to impart education And lawyer to protect our citizen's rights in the coming future.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Last year many famous pop and sports stars earned millions of dollars each. Many other entertainment and sports personalities also have very high incomes. On the other hand, most people in ordinary professions like nurses, doctors and teachers earn only a small fraction of the incomes of these stars. What do you think about stars receiving very high salaries? IS IT fair that people with jobs that directly help people are paid much less? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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