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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.2

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. v. 2
I strongly agree with the statement that today' s celebrities gain more fame for their allure and wealth than accomplishments. This makes them a bad example for the youth and makes them waste their time chasing the easy-to-get money and stardom instead of working hard to gain prominence. Usually, most of the teenagers are naïve enough to easily deceived by this shine and focus only on the glamor, not on the fulfillment. Furthermore, some teens chase celebrities’ news and luxury life which makes them passionate to get money even in illegal ways. I feel this way for two main reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. The first reason that I agree with the statement, is that some of the naïve youths are readily tempted to famous lives in negative ways. They tend to ignore their school or work and focus on how to become famous even though that will lead them to an unknown future. For example, my neighbor’s daughter left the school and started to take photos and videos on social media to gain money and popularity. She never listened to her parents’ advice to wait and become well-educated first. She said that she takes Kim Kardashian as her role model and argued that Kim gained all that luxury without talent, but by posting her photos and showing her beauty. Secondly, some celebrities hit the news and gain their fame through the wrong ways which attract another type of teenagers. They negatively inspired by these wrong paths and spend most of their time tracking those celebrities’ news and get so obsessed with their wealth. As a result, these minors might follow illegal ways to easily gain money, which will lead them to jail. For instance, there is a teenager in my community who had committed a crime and spending life in prison. His only reason was that he has loved O. J. Simpson since he was a child and always wanted to be like him. So, he joined a gang that had taken stealing to gain money. To recapitulate, there are celebrities who are popular for their incredible acts or outstanding performance. In contrast, others are have reached fame without hard work and through unethical paths which make them bad influencers to the young people. For that reason, I do agree with the statement that these untalented celebrities with their luxurious lifestyle, set a bad example for young people.
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
more fame for their allure and wealth than accomplishments. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example for the youth and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them waste their time chasing the easy-to-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and stardom
instead
of working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
prominence.
Usually
, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are naïve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
easily
deceived by this shine and focus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
glamor
, not on the fulfillment.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
teens chase
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
news and luxury life which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them passionate to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
even in illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. I feel this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
for two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, which I will explore in the following essay.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement, is that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
naïve youths are
readily
tempted to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
. They tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
their school or work and focus on how to become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
even though
that will lead them to an unknown future.
For example
, my neighbor’s daughter
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
the school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to take photos and videos on social media to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and popularity. She never listened to her parents’ advice to wait and become well-educated
first
. She said that she takes Kim Kardashian as her role model and argued that Kim gained all that luxury without talent,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
by posting her photos and showing her beauty.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
hit the news and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
their fame through the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
which attract another type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. They
negatively
inspired by these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
paths and spend most of their time tracking those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
news and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
obsessed with their wealth.
As a result
, these minors might follow illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
to
easily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, which will lead them to jail.
For instance
, there is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
in my community who had committed a crime and spending life in prison. His
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
was that he has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
O. J. Simpson since he was a child and always wanted to be like him.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joined
a gang that had taken stealing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
money.

To recapitulate, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
who are popular for their incredible acts or outstanding performance.
In contrast
, others are
Consider using a past participle here: "had".
have
reached fame without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work and through unethical paths which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influencers to the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. For that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that these untalented
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
with their luxurious lifestyle, set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
403 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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