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Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree. v.1

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. v. 1
The majority of people are addicted and interested towards the junk food now-a-days. By taking that food regularly, it will detrimentally cause serious health issues. In order to decrease the health problem, people think that the debris food should be banned. However, I completely disagree to ban the instant food recipes. This essay will discuss and elaborate the essential reasons for not to discard fast eating products. People often believe that, by eating the junk eatable items, especially the street food menu, such as Pani-Puri, chat, and other contaminated recipe's, it will lead to harmful diseases and apparently, it will have an adverse impact on human digestive system. In a recent survey by The New York Times shows that, 70 percentage of the city people are attracted for the waste food menu and interestingly most of them are the younger generation. Considering these results, the future will completely depend merely on the street bread instead of home made cuisine. Additionally, the fact is, to cure the diseases which were affected by consumption of instant meat products has actually cost them a lot of their earnings. By banning of the junk products, people will obviously look for other alternative's. So instead of completely devastating them, by imposing certain rules and regulation of the Government of the preparation companies of that debris recipe will save public money as well as their health concerns. In addition to that, by adding more natural ingredients to the ready made cuisine and other substantial items, thus it will benefit to waste food consumers as well as the organizations since those normal organic items won't cost more when compared to their flavoured ones. To conclude that, Instead of completely removing that junk items, by adding more organic substances to that, it will immensely helpful for the human body. The Government needs to take necessary actions to implement the stringent act and to adhere them at any cost.
The majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are addicted
and interested towards the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
-a-days. By taking that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
regularly
, it will
detrimentally
cause serious health issues. In order to decrease the health problem,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the debris
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should
be banned
.
However
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
disagree to ban the instant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
recipes. This essay will discuss and elaborate the essential reasons for not to discard
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
eating products.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believe that, by eating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
eatable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
,
especially
the street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
menu, such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pani-Puri
, chat, and other contaminated
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'recipe'.
recipe's
, it will lead to harmful diseases and
apparently
, it will have an adverse impact on human digestive system. In a recent survey by The New York Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, 70 percentage of the city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are attracted
for the waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
menu and
interestingly
most of them are the younger generation. Considering these results, the future will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
depend
merely
on the street bread
instead
of home made cuisine.
Additionally
, the fact is, to cure the diseases which were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by consumption of instant meat products has actually cost them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
their earnings.

By banning of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
products,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
obviously
look for other
The possessive apostrophe seems to be incorrect. Please remove the apostrophe if you want to use the plural form of 'alternative'.
alternative's
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
devastating them, by imposing certain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
of the preparation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
of that debris recipe will save public money
as well
as their health concerns.
In addition
to that, by adding more natural ingredients to the
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
cuisine and other substantial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
,
thus
it will benefit to waste
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumers
as well
as the organizations since those normal organic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
won't cost more when compared to their
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavoured' is British English.
flavoured
ones.

To conclude
that,
Instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
completely
removing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
items
, by adding more organic substances to that, it will
immensely
helpful for the human body. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
needs to take necessary actions to implement the stringent act and to adhere them at any cost.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example for young people. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
320 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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