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Since most information about culture and history can be found on internet museums are not needed anymore To what extent do you agree v.2

Since most information about culture and history can be found on internet museums are not needed anymore 2
Now a day, internet provides most of information regarding culture and history, so it is considered by many that museums are not required now. In my opinion, I believe that although most of information can be found on internet, personal visit to museums is must for people who want to have in depth knowledge. On the one hand, it is considered that information about culture is found on internet and one should not go to museum as gathering may lead to spread of infections and diseases. In other words, in museums different people visits and one does not know if someone is having some serious infectious diseases. Furthermore, internet provides a lot of information on the click of mouse and people does not need to waste time while standing in long queues or in traffic to go the museums. On the other hand, some people think that even with advent of internet, museums are still important and I agree considering the fact that visuals are more beneficial and effective than theoretical knowledge available on internet. Young children and students, for instance, require in depth knowledge about culture and history academically and personal visit to museums leave an indelible footprints on their mind which can be described by them easily. Moreover, visit to museums broadens the thinking of visitors. In conclusion, although people may vary in their opinion, I consider that even with availability of all the information on internet, museums are still important as they it helps to know and understand our history and culture in a better way.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
a day, internet provides most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and history,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are not required
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
. In my opinion, I believe that although most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
can
be found
on internet, personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who want to have in depth knowledge.

On the one hand, it
is considered
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is found
on internet and one should not go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
as gathering may lead to spread of infections and diseases.
In other words
, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
visits
and one does not know if someone is having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious infectious diseases.
Furthermore
, internet provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the click of mouse and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
does
not need to waste time while standing in long queues or in traffic to go the museums.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that even with advent of internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
considering the fact that visuals are more beneficial and effective than theoretical knowledge available on internet. Young children and students,
for instance
, require in depth knowledge about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and history
academically
and personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
an indelible
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "footprint"?
footprints
on their mind which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
by them
easily
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
broadens the thinking of visitors.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinion, I consider that even with availability of all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on internet,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are
still
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as they it
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "help"
helps
to know and understand our history and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
in a better way.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
It is astonishing how much enjoyment one can get out of a language that one understands imperfectly.
Basil Lanneau Gildersleeve

IELTS essay Since most information about culture and history can be found on internet museums are not needed anymore 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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