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Students in schools and universities learn more from their teacher than other means such as the internet, libraries or TV. To what extents do you agree or disagree? v.1

Students in schools and universities learn more from their teacher than other means such as the internet, libraries or TV. v. 1
Nowadays, people can buy the same products anywhere around the globe. Therefore, it seems that countries are becoming more and more similar. While some people may believe this as a positive effect, I think otherwise. There are some obvious advantages of this kind of development. For example, if people can buy the same goods anywhere, it implies mass production. With mass production, the cost of the products can reduce dramatically. Consequently, people can own similar items with much lower price. However, some negative impact should also be taken into consideration. Often these kinds of things are not produced locally, thus the carbon footprints of these items are likely to be higher. Another impact may be the decrease in cultural diversity, as countries all around the world are becoming alike. The fall of cultural diversity could also affect cultural identity, Children of a country will be less likely to know their own culture, because the things they have encountered during childhood are foreign. Eventually, some already rare or endanger cultures might face the fate of extinction. As cultural diversity declines, there will also be an inevitable damage to the tourism industry. When most countries are almost identical, people will certainly find travelling to another country less thrilling. As a result, they will spend less money for sightseeing in foreign countries. In conclusion, I personally believe globalisation definitely has a positive effect. However, if it starts to put other culture at risk, people should think twice before embracing it. Governments as well should start protecting their own unique culture, with a limited extent of globalisation.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the same products anywhere around the globe.
Therefore
, it seems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are becoming more and more similar. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may believe this as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
obvious advantages of this kind of development.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
anywhere, it implies mass production. With mass production, the cost of the products can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
dramatically
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
similar items with much lower price.

However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact should
also
be taken
into consideration.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
these kinds of things are not produced
locally
,
thus
the carbon footprints of these items are likely to be higher. Another impact may be the decrease in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
diversity, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
all around the world are becoming alike.

The fall of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
diversity could
also
affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity, Children of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will be less likely to know their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the things they have encountered during childhood are foreign.
Eventually
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
already rare or endanger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
might face the fate of extinction. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
diversity declines, there will
also
be
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "inevitable damage".
an inevitable damage
to the tourism industry. When most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are almost identical,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
certainly
find travelling to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
less thrilling.
As a result
, they will spend less money for sightseeing in foreign countries.

In conclusion
, I
personally
believe
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
definitely has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect.
However
, if it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to put other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
embracing it.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Governments
as well
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
protecting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
unique
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, with a limited extent of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Students in schools and universities learn more from their teacher than other means such as the internet, libraries or TV. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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