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If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, whatchange would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support youranswer. v.1

If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, whatchange would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support youranswer. v. 1
Sales companies hire people for a specific job under the basis of their CV. Their education, experience and understanding of the job are important criteria get into the job. There is a debate that people with weak economic status makes better workers. I partially agree with the argument. To begin with, there is an evidence that people often work harder when they don't have other choices. In other words, people who are seriously in need of money tend to work more compassionately and honestly. On one hand, the reason behind this, for example, is because a poor employee who needs money in order to fulfil his basic needs will not only have no other option than working harder but also giving the best result possible. As a salesperson, they will not hesitate to go around to sale their products to anyone they encounter. On the other hand a worker who has several options and is not concerned about salary will possibly have less dedication to the job. Eventually, such jobholder is more likely to hesitate speaking about their products to people who don't want to get disturbed. Having said that, certain job also requires specific knowledge, education and skill. Of course, the need of money is driving factor to work with dedication, but at the same time a person also requires a certain level of an experience and understanding about the responsibility. In addition, people with a serious need of a paycheque can go beyond their ethics. For instance, a guy with a poor economic status can go beyond his moral values due to his condition to sell those products. His claim about the item could be unusual or exaggerated. Which is definitely not a great thing for any company in the long term basis. To conclude, the employees who are in need of money will definitely work harder than the other regular job person. But at the same time a professional person who have a better understanding of the product and can better deal with the post is compulsory.
Sales
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
hire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
under the basis of their CV. Their education, experience and understanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
criteria
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. There is a debate that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with weak economic status
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
better workers. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the argument.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is an evidence that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder when they don't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
choices. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
seriously
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
tend to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more
compassionately
and
honestly
. On one hand, the reason behind this,
for example
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a poor employee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in order to fulfil his basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
option than working harder
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
giving the best result possible. As a salesperson, they will not hesitate to go around to sale their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to anyone they encounter. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand a worker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has several options and is not concerned about salary will
possibly
have less dedication to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Eventually
, such jobholder is more likely to hesitate speaking about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don't want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
disturbed.

Having said that, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
also
requires specific knowledge, education and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
Of course
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is driving factor to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
with dedication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time a person
also
requires a certain level of an experience and understanding about the responsibility.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of a
Possible spelling mistake found.
paycheque
can go beyond their ethics.
For instance
, a guy with a poor economic status can go beyond his moral values due to his condition to sell those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. His claim about the item could be unusual or exaggerated. Which is definitely not a great thing for any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
in the long term basis.

To conclude
, the employees
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
will definitely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
person.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
at the same time a professional person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have a better understanding of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
and can better deal with the post is compulsory.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay If you could make one important change in a school that you attended, whatchange would you make? Use reasons and specific examples to support youranswer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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