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Nowadays celebrities are mainly famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. To what extent do you agree and disagree? v.4

Nowadays celebrities are mainly famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 4
Undoubtedly, celebrities are making headline for their glamour as well as money than their proffesional accomplishment. But, today the topic asserts that is it setting a negative example for youngsters? I do not quite agree with this veiw. Now, I am going to examine some possible points with the following paragraph. How the celebrities are setting a negative example for young people? There are number of answers related to this topic. First of all, in my country many celebrities are famous for their glamour and their money and they rule on the heart of the people all around the world. The problem with young people is that many of them blindly follow film stars or sports personalities. Naturally, when they see their favourite star flaunting a flashy lifestyle, this unfortunately, leads to many problems. Famous people are usually rich and have the means to support their extravagant lifestyle. Most of their fans, however, hails from ordinary backgrounds. Due to this reason it impact some problems in the mind of the young generations, but, one cannot blame on them. Apart from that, they are also human beings and it is quite natural for them to have flaws. In any case, they donot say to their fans to do what they do. They always perform something different to entertain to us and give the good suggestions through the different types of programmes, but unfortunately, young generations are not able learn good things alter to this they easily get knowledge about bad news, which creat
Undoubtedly
, celebrities are making headline for their glamour
as well
as money than their
Possible spelling mistake found.
proffesional
accomplishment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
the topic asserts
that is
it setting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
example for youngsters? I do not quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
Possible spelling mistake found.
veiw
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
, I am going to examine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible points with the following paragraph.

How the celebrities are setting a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
example for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
? There are number of answers related to this topic.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in my country
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
celebrities are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for their glamour and their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
on the heart of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
all around the world. The problem with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
blindly
follow film stars or sports personalities.
Naturally
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
star flaunting a flashy lifestyle, this unfortunately, leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
usually
rich and have the means to support their extravagant lifestyle. Most of their fans,
however
, hails from ordinary backgrounds. Due to this reason it
Did you mean "impacts"?
impact
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems in the mind of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, one cannot blame on them. Apart from that, they are
also
human beings and it is quite natural for them to have flaws. In any case, they
Possible spelling mistake found.
donot
say to their fans to do what they do. They always perform something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
to entertain to us and give the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
suggestions through the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
types of
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
unfortunately,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generations are not
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'learn'.
able learn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
things alter to this they
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
news, which
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
creat
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays celebrities are mainly famous for their glamour and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. v. 4

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
251 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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